Where I’m comin’ from: part II

4. Doug aka The recovered druggie

I always had a strong stance on dating people who did drugs, even smoking pot freaked me out. I never did these things because I was afraid of getting trouble and just afraid in general. But then I met Doug, who use to do all these things (and more) but told me that I made him a better person, and he no longer wanted to do drugs. And he didn’t. Which was fine and great. But I didn’t really like him. I mean, he was fun n’all, but he loved me and I barely liked him. So why did I stay with him for three months? Well, to put it frankly, he was convenient. I knew that when I went back to school in the fall I would have an out. He wasn’t going to school and just worked for a family owned company. There was no long term future there and that was refreshing. But that’s pretty shitty of me. I mean, yeah I had fun, but I was leading him on. Making him think I was more into him than I was. And I’m fairly certain I have some pretty heavy karma coming my way on that one. Doug taught me to be honest. Honest with myself and honest with the person I am with. ps. He’s married now, to a girl who took it up the ass but didn’t remember because they were both on X. Maybe the karma won’t be as heavy as I thought.

5. Parker aka The One. 3 1/2 years later…done

Within a week I knew Parker was IT. My soul-mate, in a silly kind of corny way, had come to me. Before we had even said the three big words, “I love you” he called to sing me an 80’s ballad via voicemail. I was so excited I had EVERYONE listen to it. And when we finally did say I love you, we were on the phone and I had barricaded myself in my closet because I was so giddy. And the first year and half was the best relationship anyone could ask for. My best friend’s boyfriend broke up with her because he said after hanging out with Parker and I he knew they weren’t right for each other because we had shown him something they didn’t have. Fucked up, I know. And even more fucked up because Parker and I are o-v-e-r. So what does that tell you? Well, I’m still figuring that out. So what happened? When did things start sucking? Eh, that’s a long story that I don’t really feel like hashing open BUT I can tell you that Parker was the best boyfriend I have ever had. He taught me unconditional love. And that, my dear friends, is priceless. All the rest after this relationship has been extremely confusing for me.

6. Josh aka My momentary coma

Hm…what to say. Well, to sum it up (because the quicker this paragraph goes, the better!) this was a big ole fat mistake. But I learned something, oh yes I did! I learned that when I’m lonely I just need to be locked up. In a cage. Like Seth Green in Buffy. This month in my life taught me not to be taken advantage of. And that even at the wise age of 25, I can still be peer pressured. HA! Who would have thought?

7. Allen aka the best sex in my life

There were SO many good things I learned from this relationship (even though it wasn’t quite that). Allen was patient with me from the beginning. A month before meeting him I told myself that I wasn’t going to be in a relationship for at least a year, because I’m really good at relationship hopping–obviously. So, I thought this goal could help me have more self control. When I told him this, his response was like a confetti birthday cake (my fav)–“I think that’s a really good idea.” WHAAAAaaat? You are respecting my choice? For the next three months we casually dated. The more I got to know him the more I felt myself slipping, starting to think things like, “Hm, what would this be like if we were together?” And to be fair to myself, I really didn’t start thinking those things until after we had a conversation about where this thing was going and he talked about wanting to be in a relationship, implying that if we were together, this would be this way and so forth. And then about 2 and 1/2 months it happened. I had the best sex of my life. He was so passionate, so on every right spot at every right moment, taking control, letting me take control, finding new ways to move, push me, pull me. (pause. breath.) I never knew what good sex was like until then. I didn’t think it was that important to me, but I always knew in the back of my head, it really was. I should have been using that honesty Mr. Doug had taught me, but as I’m sure you have realized…we don’t always learn from our mistakes. Although Allen and I didn’t work out I thank god that I met him. He introduced me to a sexual side of myself I had never experienced with another person. And that’s something no one should go without.

And now you’re up-to-date in the life of this singleton. I never said it was going to be pretty…but I think it’s important to put out there. All of these guys are a part of who I am today and why I’m single. 😉

single like a can of spam

single like a can of spam

Til our next embrace,

25swf

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4 thoughts on “Where I’m comin’ from: part II

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