Today has been lovely a day. Everything about the day matched up…fitting so perfectly with the next part. I was working hard and I felt like the smoothness of it all was my reward.
I got that feeling. Ya know that feeling that creeps up on you when you are feeling fine and dandy? The creeping feeling to creep on Facebook where you shouldn’t be creeping. On who? Ex boyfriends, of course my dear friends.
I wish there was a Facebook message (coherent of what you were doing) that said DANGER! when you tried to creep around. The mental DANGER! note wasn’t enough.
First I creeped on “Parker” who I’ve mentioned a couple of times, but I haven’t dived much into that relationship except for when I first started this blog (click here to read a bit about Parker). I saw that someone (a lady) had tagged him in a status where she thanked him for some red roses. I thought, well…maybe he’s dating this chica. So I clicked on her name, and saw that they were in a relationship. I wasn’t sad or anything. I was actually really happy for him. I mean, I’m not going to lie, I felt a little sad that our friendship is going to change. I won’t contact him anymore, mainly because I don’t want to cause any trouble between them, but other than that…I felt pretty good about his recent change from 25, single, white, male.
But I didn’t stop creeping there…of course I had to go to my most recent fellow. The “Mind Fuck” (who I thought about giving a false name, but nothing is as descriptive as Mind Fuck…we’ll shorten it to MF for efforts sake). I de-friended MF on Facebook quite a while ago, back in September, so I can’t see his whole profile. I thought this was best for everyone, because let’s be honest…it’s painful seeing that stuff. But I can still creep. I see limited information, but I noticed he had been tagged in a picture with a girl. So, the curiosity creeped…and I clicked.
The caption read “NY for NYE!!!” and I thought… “huh???” Like, THIS New Years Eve? Surely not. I thought maybe this was from high school or something?
Curiosity creeped even more, and I clicked. Some girl. I don’t even recall her name. In a relationship with MF. Anniversary January 1, 2011.
And then when I tried be friends with him again a few of months ago (October). I told him I wanted to go to New York again for New Years, and I wanted to go with him.
I quickly decided a couple of weeks after trying to be “friends” that that was the worse idea EVER. Obviously, New York wasn’t going to happen.
Frankly I am terrified for this new girl. Does she know? I want to yell at the top of my lungs, “DON’T DO IT!” but that just can’t happen.
I have to own up to my feelings. Seeing that he’s in a relationship made me really sad. Maybe sad because well, that was fucking fast. Maybe sad because, that girl is fucked. Maybe sad because, it’s just sad…he is sad.
First thing I did after I read all this bullshit was I told my mom. Her response was the worse thing ever.
“You’ve been replaced.”
“Mom, why would you ever say something like that?”
Everything she said afterwards I didn’t hear. I just got up (I’m visiting home), picked up my keys and wallet and said I needed to take a drive. She felt awful and started crying. I still needed a drive.
So I drove around for half an hour. I got lost. I cried a little bit. I listened to some J-Lo Pandora and I felt better.
All of this curiosity clicking has really put me in a funky mood. And I was having such a glorious day. But I ended that for myself. ME. I did that.
I really need your advice. How do you resist the urge to click?