It’s Valentine’s Day! February 14th and the world (well, I guess just the U.S.) is full of a little more love (and anti-love). And as Project Runway Heidi Klum says, “You either are in or you are out.” This year, I’ve decided I’ll be in. Into Valentine’s Day as a singleton? That’s just crazy talk, you say! But this is a recent revelation…
Because lately I’ve been a bit of an angry lady.
Angry at MF, mainly. I want to forgive him, and move on. I keep trying. And trying. And trying again. And failing.
Even though I definitely don’t want to do date him or be with him (ever). I’m addicted to him. I just miss what I thought was, and when the moments were great. It was addictive when it was beautiful. Maybe because it was so rare. But when it happened, it was a beautiful relationship…it was intoxicating. And something out of a fairytale. Even if I was the author of that fairytale, living in my own world and my own head. But I want him out…I want the addiction to be over. I don’t want him to be in my head anymore. I don’t want to be angry.
Today, and I really don’t know why in particular, I am feeling awfully forgiving. To the point where I can now say it. And believe it.
I forgive you, MF.
Because forgiving gives me forgiveness. And when I exhale. It feels a little better. A little brighter. And hell, what’s with wasting all my energy being angry and sad. I’ll tell ya though, forgiving someone is A LOT easier said than done. I’ve been working on it for five months and I know I will have to keep on working on it.
And now, I feel full of love. Extreme, undying, unconditional love. For myself.
This Valentine’s Day I’d like to say,
I LOVE YOU, you.
You really kick ass and make this world a better place. Keep fighting the good fight and never forget yourself. And most importantly, be yourself.
And be Awesome, with a capital A. And all the rest will come…
And to celebrate my Awesome with a capital A self, I’m spending this Valentine’s Day with 9 close friends. Lady Love Valentine’s Dinner will commence tonight with decorations, balloons, rose petals, vino and shrimp curry. I couldn’t feel more surrounded by my life and the way I want it to be. The way it should be. Feeling love both inside and out, as a single lady. Double greatness.
And that’s what forgiveness does, it allows you to see. See all the beauty right in front of your face. Now, go look in the mirror.
Forgiving-ly, mercifully, and lovingly yours on this Valentine’s Day,