Like a poker game (which I learned how to play from the Warren Beatty movie Bugsy, 1991), you have to play your cards right when it comes to family. Well, with my family anyways.
You may remember a while ago I mentioned I would be visiting my dad and his side of the family. Well, that’s happening today. It’s been something like 3 or 4 years since I last saw them.
I’ll be driving to Texas for some quality familial time. And I will have the opportunity to confront a fear or two. Or three.
I may decide to tell my dad why I haven’t really talked to him much in the past 4 years or so. I could tell him how hurt I was when he got mad at me for needing to get my wisdom teeth out. I might tell him how when he said, “Do you know how much money I send your mother every month?!” I locked up my heart and threw the proverbial key away when it came to trying to love my father as a daughter. And I might just tell him that I was really hurt that he didn’t come to either my high school or my college graduation. And if I’m feeling extra telling, there may be a mention of how I always worried that the reason he wanted to see me was because he was paying for me. And now that the payments have stopped, so has the relationship.
I’m not sure what I’m going to say. And I may just say…nothing. Do I want to deal with it? I may just enjoy my gma and her 85th birthday. Enjoy my quirky aunt and uncles and half brother.
I may just enjoy. But will I really be able to with all this on the back of mind?
I guess we’ll find out.