Like a poker game (which I learned how to play from the Warren Beatty movie Bugsy, 1991), you have to play your cards right when it comes to family. Well, with my family anyways.
You may remember a while ago I mentioned I would be visiting my dad and his side of the family. Well, that’s happening today. It’s been something like 3 or 4 years since I last saw them.
I’ll be driving to Texas for some quality familial time. And I will have the opportunity to confront a fear or two. Or three.
I may decide to tell my dad why I haven’t really talked to him much in the past 4 years or so. I could tell him how hurt I was when he got mad at me for needing to get my wisdom teeth out. I might tell him how when he said, “Do you know how much money I send your mother every month?!” I locked up my heart and threw the proverbial key away when it came to trying to love my father as a daughter. And I might just tell him that I was really hurt that he didn’t come to either my high school or my college graduation. And if I’m feeling extra telling, there may be a mention of how I always worried that the reason he wanted to see me was because he was paying for me. And now that the payments have stopped, so has the relationship.
I’m not sure what I’m going to say. And I may just say…nothing. Do I want to deal with it? I may just enjoy my gma and her 85th birthday. Enjoy my quirky aunt and uncles and half brother.
I may just enjoy. But will I really be able to with all this on the back of mind?
I guess we’ll find out.
Whatever you decide, it will be right. Just go with your gut instincts, especially if you find the right moment. Sometimes there’s a tendency to let things stay unsaid, especially if you’re around a lot of other family, because you don’t want to rock the boat on what is supposed to be a relaxing familial bonding experience. But, if you aren’t having that relaxing bonding experience, then you have the right to find a quiet place alone with your dad and tell him how you feel. Any father would be so, so proud to have a daughter like you 🙂
slap jack is one of my fav games too!
the last time i saw my parents was over a year ago when my dad had an anuerism and nearly died. before that it was 4 years since i saw them. i just think of them now as equals then the other stuff doesnt bother me so much. they are your parents but you are an adult now too. it kind of puts things into perspective for me.
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