Smile, though your heart is breaking…

A fake smile and real smile are VERY different, and (unless you are an Academy nominated actor) they are very noticeable.

Fake smiles are usually attached to fake people. But I suppose there are always circumstances where you have to fake it- like important meetings and hospital visits. I read in the NY Times the other week that faking a smile can be bad for your health, ha! I suggest you read the article, it’s really short and interesting.

But today I feel like I’ve been faking a lot of smiles. Or maybe I haven’t been smiling much. I’m not sure. But something has been taken from me. My “Umf” is missing. It’s been the past couple of days that I’ve felt umfless. After my very umf-ful visit over the weekend, I’ve kind of been slowly (but surely) deflating. My runs this week have been awful, to the say the least. I’ve been making poor food choices (i.e. Taco Bueno the other night). And I’m tired, like really tired.

Umf, where have you gone? It might have been sucked a little bit out of me by some teenage drama that has actually occurred over THIS very blog. It might have been sucked a little bit more by this crazy person who is complicating my life with more meetings and mental patient drama. It could be any number of things that I don’t really want to deal with. When my mom would be stressed out about something she couldn’t control I use to tell her to kick it. Like visually kick it out of her head. When negativity reared it’s ugly head, just kick it. Kick that shit. But I have been kicking, and my legs are tired and the thoughts are still there.

I have a friend coming in town tonight and all I really want to do is sit at home and watch Angel and be mopey. And make (and eat) some sad brownies. But I can’t. I have to put on a smile and pretend like hanging out is the first thing I want to do.

cute monkey

Like this cute little monkey dude, just kick it.

I just feel whiney. And I hate whiney people. Gross.

Snap out of it! It’s PEACE Day after all! I can eat fudgy brownies and watch my favorite Angel show on Saturday after I run 14 miles.



**post update- I got a message from a friend on Facebook this afternoon that made me laugh so hard that it hurt a little bit. Laughter truly is the best medicine, and I think it helped me kick the shit (which I think is a reference to not doing drugs, but I’m uninformed)…thanks friend!**

Yours snapping out of it one shit kick at a time,



6 thoughts on “Smile, though your heart is breaking…

  1. “Some people wear their smile like a disguise. Those people who smile a lot, watch the eyes…”

    “When I say you sucked my brain out, the English translation is that I’m in love with you and it is no fun…”

    “Yeah, art use to imitate life, now life imitates TV…”

    ~Ani DiFranco

    Nothing a like a little Ani DiFranco who is a Righteous Babe to help get your umf back. It we don’t occasionally lose it, we forget what it’s worth 😉

    hang in there Young Padme 😀

  2. 25swf. Losing your umph happens. Remember that it is okay to feel sad, and eat sad brownies, mainly because they’re delicious. So run those miles, eat those brownies, and let your friends bring you back up! Lean on others…it’s why we have shoulders.
    I read that smiling at least five minutes in the morning can affect your mood for the rest of the day…but according to the NY better make it genuine. 🙂

    • Thanks for the support dryskingreeneyes! You are so right, it’s hard for me to lean on others sometimes but I know that’s what friends are for! For so many years I’ve been the one giving advice and helping, and whelp, the tables have turned 🙂

  3. I agree! Embrace your down days. It’s what makes us human, and what makes us appreciate the up days. I’ve tried both the way of being insulated from life and the way of having a busy fulfilling life. Every once in a while now I have to remind myself that I WANTED to have the complications of relationships; that I missed those complications, even tho they can be exhausting. But I’m also so much richer from the people that have gotten me thru the tough times; I wouldn’t trade them for the world.

    • Isn’t that the truth?! I’m finding solace in things being so much more consistent and stable. While the rollercoaster of emotions was fun at times, It sure took a toll on me.

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