(This post is part of an awesome series of awesome 25swf guest bloggers- read about them here!)
The other night, after a long workweek on the “new” job, I conked out somewhere between 9:30pm and 10:00pm. This is somewhat of an anomaly for me seeing how I’m a night owl. I was just that tired. Turns out, I would have the warmest dream filled with love. This would be the 2nd time that love would find me in a dream.
The first time it found me, I was 27 years old. I was madly and totally head over feet in love with a boy. A crush. With whom I had shared moments with where we contemplated an “us”. Which unfortunately for me, never moved passed contemplation. One night in particular was the sweetest of them all – the one night, where I wished I had handled it differently. My one regret after promising myself that I wouldn’t allow myself to have any more regrets as far as romance and love were concerned. I was 23 years old when I made that promise and was doing quite well. Until him.
Okay, so back to the dream of love. During the time of contemplation, I had the sweetest dream about us. We were in bed. It was morning. The sunlight had a Spielberg quality as it came pouring into the room. I was watching him sleep and when he woke, we spoke to each other, though no words at all we spoke. It was beautiful. So full of warmth. And yes, love. Our lips met in a brief kiss before in came this beautiful little girl. She hopped in bed with us. She was his. However, she felt like ours. She had wild curly hair and a medium complexion, which suggested she was of mixed breeding. I saw me in her. I saw him in her. However, there was this feeling that I had not bore this child. Nonetheless, she felt and looked like ours. We huddled under the sheets giggling and telling stories, before he finally got up. It was time to get ready to see the fireworks. It was the 4th of July. We left the house together – happy, warm, and loved. I woke up from this dream and I felt something that I can’t quite put into words. I feel it now, more intensely than I did before, because I have two dreams to draw from.
The other night I had this rather strange dream. I say that it’s strange, because I’m not quite sure what it stems from. Meaning, that I’m not hardcore crushing on anyone. I’m not contemplating anyone. As far as I know, no one is contemplating me. Love is a desert and I’m not expecting it to rain anytime soon. So, it was a strange, yet refreshing dream because it seems to occur out of nowhere. This time, I was acting as a protector of sorts to a girl friend of mine. Now, I know this girl in real life, but have only met her a handful of times. So, I can’t call her a “friend” in real life. However in the dream she was a friend. We were at a party, things got dicey, and I was able to remove her from the situation unharmed. In the process I had left my jacket, which had the keys to the car. So, I had to return to the party to retrieve my jacket. My friend was scared for me to return to the chaos of the party, but I assured her all would be fine. Upon my return to the car, she brought me in for a hug and then tried to kiss me. I turned my head and offered her my cheek, which she did not kiss. She walked away upset. Rejected. I then had a thought that I indeed wanted to kiss her. So, I walked over to her and kissed her. That was the start of a beautiful relationship. Again this feeling came. Whenever she was near and I wanted to hug her or have her close. I acted on that impulse. I didn’t care that she was a woman. I was free to be me and she was free to be herself as well. The intimacy of that was intoxicating. There was kissing. No sex. In each of the dreams, sex wasn’t a factor. In both it was just a strong, intense emotional connection, which seemed to be the lure of love. I woke from this dream when I felt that connection, the lure slipping away. In the dream I remember thinking, “what if what we have ends?” Before that thought grew too heavy I awoke, still basking in that indescribable feeling.
This dream caught me by surprise, not because of the fact that it was a woman. I do not feel as if it has to do with sexuality, really. Dreams are interesting that way. I once had a very vivid and lucid dream that I was a man. It was surprising and fascinating in a same, yet different kind of way. What was more surprising about this dream is that it seems to spring forth from nothing – as I stated before. So, while I had this vision of love and felt its warmth and power, I woke with a note of sadness and a question. Is this the closest I’ll ever get to love? Will it only find me in the safety of my dreams? If so, then Lord help me should I ever lose the ability to dream.
Contemplating in dreams,