Yup, I did some math for ya’ll. (I may have googled it, shhh) It’s March 20, 2011 and I am officially 66.67% done with my Vow proclamation of no touching, foundling, kissing, groping of any kind for six months. Wow, and it’s almost over.
I’m kind of proud of myself. It sounds super easy, but can you name the last time you didn’t have physical contact for six months? I’m talking about anything- cuddling is unacceptable! A quick peck on the mouth…NOPE! I better not see you holding hands…because I’m even counting that!
See, it’s hard.
Well, it’s really hard for me. I love physical contact. By body is used to being touched. It has been touched in some shape or form since I was 15 1/2. I’m going through withdrawals. TOUCH ME!
No wait, don’t. I have 60 days left.
And actually, I was considering renewing the Vow come May 20. I’m kind of afraid for it to end. What does that mean?
I’m afraid if I end the Vow I may go fall into a relationship. What if I meet someone and they are all cool and dreamy and I just fall back into my old habits of habitually relationshiping? That terrifies me.
It terrifies me because I don’t want that, but that hasn’t stopped me before. It’s also disturbing because I have been using the Vow as an excuse. A protector, of sorts. Life a beefy man with a tight shirt on who says, “Excuse me buddy, back it up.” The Vow is my bouncer, and I don’t want to let anyone in dis klub.
I know it’s not like I’m going to walk around with a sign on my neck that says, “Open for Business!” But will I give off that vibe? Will I seem “open”? That’s where things get dicey.
The Vow may be turning into a crutch, but I think I need it for a little bit longer. I’m still limping around a bit. 60 days left to decide.
Yours almost there,