Yup, I did some math for ya’ll. (I may have googled it, shhh) It’s March 20, 2011 and I am officially 66.67% done with my Vow proclamation of no touching, foundling, kissing, groping of any kind for six months. Wow, and it’s almost over.
I’m kind of proud of myself. It sounds super easy, but can you name the last time you didn’t have physical contact for six months? I’m talking about anything- cuddling is unacceptable! A quick peck on the mouth…NOPE! I better not see you holding hands…because I’m even counting that!
See, it’s hard.
Well, it’s really hard for me. I love physical contact. By body is used to being touched. It has been touched in some shape or form since I was 15 1/2. I’m going through withdrawals. TOUCH ME!
No wait, don’t. I have 60 days left.
And actually, I was considering renewing the Vow come May 20. I’m kind of afraid for it to end. What does that mean?
I’m afraid if I end the Vow I may go fall into a relationship. What if I meet someone and they are all cool and dreamy and I just fall back into my old habits of habitually relationshiping? That terrifies me.
It terrifies me because I don’t want that, but that hasn’t stopped me before. It’s also disturbing because I have been using the Vow as an excuse. A protector, of sorts. Life a beefy man with a tight shirt on who says, “Excuse me buddy, back it up.” The Vow is my bouncer, and I don’t want to let anyone in dis klub.
I know it’s not like I’m going to walk around with a sign on my neck that says, “Open for Business!” But will I give off that vibe? Will I seem “open”? That’s where things get dicey.
The Vow may be turning into a crutch, but I think I need it for a little bit longer. I’m still limping around a bit. 60 days left to decide.
Yours almost there,
You are taking care of her (your body) and that means more than someone else’s physical touch could mean. You have used this time to explore yourself and learn who she is and what she can do. Is it coincidental that you have nixed physical contact with others, yet you are physically pushing your body by training for a marathon? And that you have posed nude, exposing yourself to yourself in a way you’ve never seen before? You’re not in a drought. She’s being taken care of, just not in the way you’re used to. And come May 20th, you’ll either be ready or you won’t be. But either way, you’ll know what it’s like to love and learn about your body as a grown woman. You’ll also understand the value of another person’s touch a little bit more than you did before. Don’t be afraid to give yourself more time to understand this if you need it. Also, don’t be afraid to jump, if it’s right.
I didn’t even think about that in terms of my body and the marathon and the posing nude. So insightful you are, 1foot!
I also agree about taking more time or jumping if it’s right. My worry is about not knowing when it’s right. But I think I know a lot more than I knew a year ago, so that can only get better.
I guess that’s how I feel as of lately. It can only get better! 😀