Guest Blogger – Granuaile: What’s Love Got To Do With It?

(This post is part of an awesome series of awesome 25swf guest bloggers- read about them here!)

Tina TurnerMaybe Tina Turner had it right. She definitely had it right with that fab 80’s hair do.

I know it’s such a cliché and horribly broad question, but how do you know when you’ve found true love? What is the feeling inside? How can you be sure this is it? Is love just a second hand emotion? I’ve thought that I’ve found it before, but I was clearly wrong, so how is it that I, being a smart, well educated, and driven individual, ready to shower my partner with love, can’t seem to figure it out? I see people who know after just 6 months. And it’s not just crazies trying to nab a guy before they leave university. Some of these seem like the real deal. And then there are the tenure daters who wait forever to declare the love.

Do you think you “fall” in love with little control over how it goes, or is being in love a choice you make after getting to know someone? You decide (I’m assuming with some romantic input), yes, I love this person, I can see my life with them and I will be in love with them?

Ever since I watched the movie “Paris, je t’aime,” the segment entitled “Bastille” has always stuck with me. It’s about a man who is getting ready to leave his wife, but before he can tell her this, she tells him she has been diagnosed with a terminal illness. Out of obligation, he reluctantly stays with her, but as he cares for her and helps her, he falls madly back in love and stays by her side until she passes away. By acting in love, can you eventually be in love? Surely there is more to it than that.

I hope the full on devotion and compassion type of love is not just a fairy tale. It seems the more people I talk to, and the more relationships I observe, the less I believe in that type of love. Yes of course, I realize that relationships take compromise and sacrifice and you’re not going to be happy with each other every second of every day. I would hate that anyway. I like a good argument – keeps your brain function up. But I look at couples like my parents, or old family friends and I see that a lot of times the passion is no longer there. It’s just a mutual agreement to live together, use each other as a tax deduction, and love the same child. I’m sure at one time they too thought they would be in love forever. But are they?

The inquisitive,


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