Not sure what I was expecting. But when I saw in my window, “MF (it said his name though) says…” blinking from my open gmail window I immediately thought… “Oh shit.”
He was gmail chatting me.
Last week while I was going through all of my files I stumbled upon MF’s passport, birth certificate, and social security card. WHOOPS. I must have grabbed them when I was moving out all of my shit in the 5 trips. I was only paying half attention to what I was grabbing. I did make sure to get all of my cleaning supplies. They are expensive, and quality. Anyways, I was really anxious about sending this stuff to him. I put them in the mail, addressing them to his work (which is a business he owns), and certified the thing hoping it wouldn’t get lost. Just because I think he’s a dickhead doesn’t mean I want his entire identity to disappear via Mr. Post Man. But looking at his birth certificate reminded me that he was once a baby. Just a little ginger baby with ginger dreams. He was once probably a decent guy. But he makes/made mistakes. We all do.
He thanked me for sending his papers.
I apologized for having them. He said no worries, told me to have a good day, and that he would see me later. I said, “See ya.” And then sat there for a minute asking myself what just happened.
What just happened? It was the first “live” conversation I have had with him in 6 months. You may remember the “I needed more time” text, and the (possibly, more than likely) drunk email… This interaction was small and insignificant, but for some reason it gave me solace. I’m just happy he didn’t ask how I was doing or try to force some kind of “real” conversation. And I hope it doesn’t become a regular occurrence.
The world kept turning after MF messaged me instantly and it was not as mind blowing as I thought it would be. It was so. Anticlimactic. Thank god, I don’t need any climaxes in my life…that are outside of my shower.
Yours feeling surprisingly fine,