(This post is part of an awesome series of awesome 25swf guest bloggers- read about them here!)
How long am I supposed to hold onto this anger? I’m mad at ___, and I know that’s healthy, but… yesterday I had a realization. I may be angry at him, and rightfully so, but he’s more than likely just living his life, without me even on his radar. Well, except for the sporadic, passive-aggressive text messages he’ll send right when I’m not thinking about him.
How long will I let the anger be a crutch? It has really helped me lately, because my feelings toward him have lessened dramatically in the past few months. But, being angry at him also just means that I’m still thinking about him. Be it positive or negative, he’s still on my mind.
Time, time, they say. Time. I know. And it’s true, time will (and already has) made things better. But in the interim, it’s idiotic to not try and find a way to cope.
Last night, on my way home from work, I saw a falling star and wished for the first thing that came to my mind – peace and forgiveness. It’s the first time I’ve made a wish, a true wish, that didn’t involve ___ changing dramatically and wanting to get back together.
I realize now that there’s a choice to make – thus the title of this post.
I could tell him either of those things, at this point. Or neither.
Mostly I just want to move on. To be done with him. To be done with thinking about him.
It’s pretty clear to me what I need to do. The how eludes me.
I think that letting go of someone can get down to the brass tacks of releasing any idea or thought pattern. I like to use simple meditations, such as acknowledging that I was thinking about the particular person (or idea) and then stopping, and moving onto another thought. In the past, it has helped me to count the number of times that I thought of one unmentioned a**hole. I would keep count for the day (or until I lost count) then start again as necessary. I’m sure there are countless strategies. Loads of suggestions are available in Buddhist theology too, if you needed some other options.