I am guilty of this too, but I’m so much better than I used to be. Talking about it. Whatever IT is, just saying, “Hey this bothers me.”
People never do it. NEVER. But we tell kids to do it, and even have peer mediators (I was one) that help start conversations about why people aren’t getting along or fighting on the playground. But adults…well, we are the worse about it. Talking about how we feel. How someone else is making us feel.
I find that every time I talk about how something is making me feel, it is resolved and I feel better. Especially with Mr. M he just listens to how I feel and validates me. So, profound!
I used to be (and still sometimes slip into) the kind of person who wants the other person to recognize something is wrong and then ask me about it. This led to, pouting…passive aggressive conversations…and just overall dragging out the problem. I felt like I couldn’t just bring it up out of the blue. I’m not really sure why, but I think I was just afraid. If the other person brought it up first, that was the green light for me to talk about it. I’m the complete opposite now. I’ve worked hard to get here, and I’m not perfect, but I see that it works and fosters healthy relationships so I keep doing it.
Why is it so rare for us to share how we feel? If we just made a point to talk about things more I think we would all be a lot happier. Don’t accuse, badger, be passive aggressive, or play games…just say, “Hey can we talk? It hurt my feelings that you…” It’s amazing. And it’s just not for those in relationships…we all have parents, we all have friends, we all have co-workers (if not, dang, go get a job yo). All of these are relationships that can stress us out, hurt us, make us feel negative things sometimes. And they all have potential for being talked through.
I’m only 25 and I think I’ve figured it out. Old fashioned talking and listening always does the trick. Why do adults forget that?
Yours talking (as usual),
25swf
25 Single White Female 