Guest Blogger – BibleBeltRebel: On this date in History

(This post is part of an awesome series of awesome 25swf guest bloggers- read about them here!)

Guess what we are fortunate enough to be alive for????? 11.11.11! Yep. A date. That consists of a repetitious number.

Ok, so maybe that doesn’t seem like such a big damn deal to you but I bet you know at least one person who’s making a big damn deal about it! Afterall it really is a rare occurrence…a once in a century occurrence. Which translates into one of two things in this “neck of the woods” …

1.) People start stocking up their apocalypse bunkers, and praying at stop lights.

OR

2.) They run to the altar, stop taking their birth control and start practicing procreation.

Regardless of which of these options you chose (or get suckered into by redneck brain wa[r]sh)  you can be sure that for the next oh, 100 freakin’ years…you’re going to be asked… “Where were you on 11.11.11?”

Which brings me to the point of this blog…

As my bio may suggest, my life seems to be filled with a lot of “hidden camera show” moments. Ya know, those moments where you expect some guy to jump out of a bush and tell you its all one big freakin’ joke?

Taking this into consideration it would only make sense that I will be blessed to be spending this momentous day in history in potentially the most awkward situation I’ve experienced as of late.

Stop, collaborate and listen… Rebel’s here with a brand new edition (of  contradictory principles)!

Lets go way back to 2002, when my dear friend and I were high school seniors in neighboring school districts.  We’d been attached at the hip since before we knew where babies came from, and suddenly found ourselves about to graduate high school and become real life grown up lady types. So to show our readiness for the real world we decided to throw a very mature house party while her parents were away, in which we invaded the liquor cabinet and acted like idiots.

On said night, my dear friends “little brother” (who was actually only 11 months younger than her, and one month younger than me) decided to drunkenly profess his love for me out of fear that I would move away for college and never come back again. He tearfully slurred that he’d loved me for years and since I was fresh out of a break up with the “love of my life,” half-heartedly buying into the temporary insanity that comes with rare occasions, and completely blitzed off of 3 Fuzzy Navel wine coolers and one chugged beer decided that it would be a GREAT idea to give him a night to remember.

Yeah. I did it….don’t shake your head at me!

Now, I wasn’t a virgin…thanks to “the love of my life” but still wasn’t experienced by any means! Never the less, I stole his innocence at his prodding, and proceeded to run away to college as predicted. My dear friend and I remained close. She got married and had a couple of babies. I had one of my own. Along the way I saw the little brother from time to time without a mention of “the night.”  He has been in a very successful relationship for about 9 years. I’ve met her at various family functions and in case you’re wondering….she knows.

With the exception of her acting like a blazing idiot when she’s around me…Making sure to laugh loudly/paw all over him/show me pictures of them together from her wallet/redirect any conversation that may transpire between little brother and I  (ESPECIALLY if it will highlight any good quality of mine that Little Brother may be impressed with) every time I’m within a 50 mile radius…things were going along swimmingly! Then the parade of Number Ones comes around and steals my happy!

Little brother calls me up, asks me to come to their wedding on 11.11.11 and starts explaining how they don’t have much family in the area anymore, that I’m one of the important people in his life that he wants to share his special day with.

Awkward.

There was at least 110 miles of cellular air waves between our homes during that conversation but I swear to you I could feel her eyeballs peering into my soul…and verified it by speaking to my Dear Friend the next day. In fact, that phone call even solicited a good argument between the love birds fraught with my name and mentions of the past which ended with a night on the couch. I offered not to attend to ease her concerns, but Dear Friend and Little Brother’s Mom insisted.

Whether it’s because I’m loyal to my friend and her family, or because I have  an unhealthy adoration for awkward situations I have agreed to go to that damn wedding!I’m sure that my ever-present single status will offer her some comfort.  Add in my added poundage, and the fact that she’s the one walking down the aisle..SURELY my attendance wont rock the boat too much!

But, just in case I’m going to be additionally gracious. Stay away from the groom…and pray that she doesn’t over indulge in liquid courage and publicly curse me for de-flowering her husband, or even worse…that he doesn’t get a lil’ tipsy and try to talk me into an adulterous horizontal tango.

They say you never forget your first…Your first love. Your first roller coaster. Your first car. I can’t imagine that there’s an abundance of statistical information to support this but I bet your first time attending an 11.11.11 nuptial between the guy who offered you his innocence and the girl who hates your guts for it would also make the list of unforgettable life events! I feel certain it’s gonna be a doozy…and like  most situations in my life will ensure that I have a hilariously awkward story to recall when asked (repeatedly) about the date that stuttered!

What about you guys….were you preparing for the end of time, contributing to the next baby boom, or suckered into sitcom material like me??

-BibleBeltRebel

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