One Year, One Ring

This weekend was my 1-year anniversary with Mr. M. I have been looking forward to giving him his small present for the past couple weeks.

I got crafty from a pin I fell in love with. Mr. M and I are big Instagram-ers, so I took one photo from each of the months we have been together and made a special magnet set. I thought I was being so clever.

pinterestI knew he would love it, and he did, but I was completely unprepared for what he was going to give me.  Continue reading

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Guest Blogger – Y Chromosome: High and Dry

(This post is part of an awesome series of awesome 25swf guest bloggers- read about them here!)

I’m tired internet friends.  I am at a very weird point in my life.  You see, for the first time in probably my entire life I am focused almost solely on my career.  It’s sort of scary.  And for those of you who know me, (so like none of you yet?) you know that is a little different than my normal swim through life.

I’ve been in a relationship pretty much from the time I was 15 until I was 20.  Not the same one.  Three of them.  Very involved and intense ones.  I had a short 6 month break or so in there in an incredible attempt at “finding myself.”  As if that’s a 6 month journey.  “Like, no problem, dude!”  (have to think Spicoli on that one..)  I am single now.  SWM!  Wakka wakka?  I have a crush on this girl which is nice.  She’s pretty cool.

I guess the problem I am having is that while I am all for the occasional one night stand or casual FWB thing, I am most certainly more inclined to be in a relationship.  Wait.

Stop. Continue reading

You can boss me around anytime, Tina Fey

tina fey bossy pantsIt’s everything you have heard it is. This book, put simply (yet thoughtfully), rocks.

Between the gyno passing out stories and the foray into the birth of SNL incarnation of Sarah Palin, I fell in love with this lady named Tina…and her sassy voice.

She’s my new hero. She was already rocking my world with 30 Rock, but she just made it official. I’m in love. And I’ll reiterate the title of this post and the feeling in my heart, you can boss me around anytime, Tina Fey.

I listened to the audio book on the ride home from a recent trip to Philly with a car full of like-minded females. I find that the audience your viewing/listening to media really matters. And it was also double the pleasure-double the fun double listening experience because she is originally from Pennsylvania and she talked about the very highway we were driving on. (deh nuh nuh nuh, deh nuh nuh nuh) That’s my Twilight word translation…what a doozy to type out. It took about 5 minutes to figure out the logistics. And I still don’t think it’s right.

I knew this book was going to be a hit before I bought it though. Mr. M had just gotten back from a man trip and they (7 dudes) listened to it on the drive back from California and they all loved it. That spoke volumes to me and made the $21.95 download (gulp) easy(-ier) to click on.

By the end of the audio book I felt inspired. I felt happy. I felt like yes, we (as women & as people) can have it all. We can have family AND a career. And despite what they say, we can be happy.

I don’t want to say too much, and give away some of the funnest parts of the book. But just trust me on this one. Bossy Pants, all the cool kids are downloading it. Come join the fun (nerdy) club.

Yours ready for Tina Fey to boss me around,

25swf

Guest Blogger – 27swf: In Response to Granuaile: Let’s be friends?

(This post is part of an awesome series of awesome 25swf guest bloggers- read about them here!)

Let’s just be friends.

Most relationships end this way. But what do you do when that’s how it starts?

Lately, I’ve become very close friends with a guy named Doggy Style. We do everything together.  We eat (I’m his excuse for breaking his draconian diet).  We smoke hookah (we have joint custody of a beautiful Egyptian number). We sit by the beach, waiting for the tsunami to hit the coast (it never did — but that didn’t stop us from sitting there all day, drinking margaritas). We share our dreams for the future — many of which involve things we will do together. We talk about moving back to New York. We talk about renting a cabin in the woods. Oh, and didn’t you know? We’re writing the next great American screenplay — it’s a minimum five year commitment (he says).

We stay up talking all night, sometimes sleeping in the same bed, his leg just a little too close to mine (you know, ’cause our full size beds are just a tad too small for both of us). And just when I’m on the edge of sleep, I feel him holding me, wrapping his body around mine, as though he wants me to think I’m dreaming it, that it’s not actually happening. Maybe, it isn’t…

He proclaims that love is a death sentence; that he doesn’t want to be hurt by it again. That if we don’t have sex, we can be friends. He says friendship is forever, while relationships are doomed and destructive.

Little does he realize that we’re already in one.

So what do you do when you have a semi-platonic boyfriend? Do you break up with him? Do you stay in it, knowing it will probably never go anywhere? Do you tell him the truth, only to have him retreat out of obligation and dedication to a mantra he’s prescribed? Do you pull away, hoping he’ll fall in love?

Yesterday, he texted me three times and I responded briefly; a curt, short one liner. When he called me, I silenced his ring.

I don’t know what to do so I’m doing nothing.

A part of me says stay in it — he’s a comfort, he’s kind, he’s fun, I’m enjoying myself with him and therefore, why should I stop? The guy brings me candy, moves my car at 7AM so it won’t get towed, holds the door and sings my praises. I feel too young for marriage and so this relationship is perfect because it demands no real, emotional commitment.

The other part of me says RUN. Run away from a man who doesn’t know what he wants, a man who takes you for granted, a man who is selfish because he only gives what he wants to give. He will break your heart. You don’t need him. Or maybe you do?

Mostly I’m just angry at the bitch before me who broke his heart. I’m depressed by the fact that for the first time, in a long time, I’m in a relationship where we don’t play games, where our connection is sober and fun and real. I found a great boyfriend who can’t and won’t be my boyfriend. And that just sucks.

Maybe Granuaile and Doggy Style are onto something — that love is fleeting, that we convince ourselves that it is something more than it is. Maybe we should be seeking something deeper…or shallower, as the case may be. What do you all think?

Yours,

27swf

Guest Blogger – 27swf: The Kiss That Cracked Me…Up

(This post is part of an awesome series of awesome 25swf guest bloggers- read about them here!)

On Sunday, my world stopped. Time became crystalline. Motion ceased. I pulled off the road into a Sunoco station and cried without mercy.

Here’s the part where I tell you, readers, that a lot of shit went down this year. I moved into my first apartment alone (no roomies or BF), I took on a huge professional challenge that tested my sanity and my strength. I was in a long, complicated, deep relationship that ended in an appropriately drawn-out, dramatic and ultimately exhausting fashion. There was professional stress (working three jobs while in grad school), a death in the family that left my mother in shambles — and me as her pillar of strength. Plus, it didn’t help that everyone around me seemed to be getting hitched (including a previous ex), knocked-up, or $100,000 job offers…

In an effort to counteract all this stress, I did what I’ve always done: I kept going, full speed ahead. I kept working. I kept dating. I ran. A lot. So much so that I had to take a month off to allow my knee to heel. I drank a lot of wine. I ate a lot. I starved a lot. Then I drank some more. I even contributed to a blog! I pushed forward because forward is the only direction we’re allowed to go in life.

And then, YTH kissed me. And I cracked.

It was simple kiss. Nothing major. And yet, my reaction spoke volumes about my life right now: I just can’t take it anymore!

For right now, for this week, maybe this month, I just can’t take any more expectations, potential, disappointments or stress.

Let me backtrack. YTH and I had gone on a date that night. As I had sat across from him, I hated myself because I just didn’t care about a thing he was saying. I didn’t care that he wanted to impress me with his skydiving, his jaunts through Europe, his published screenplay. Worst of all, I felt like I was putting on a show. Because what I really wanted to tell this guy is the shit I’ve been through this year — that I’ve been tried, exhausted, exhilarated, scared, broken, drunk, hurt — and that I’m finally reaching the other side. But I couldn’t. Because I felt like he just wouldn’t get it.

When he walked me out onto the street, he pulled me aside and I knew he was going to kiss me. But instead of letting the moment play out in all of its swirling, romantic potential, I did something super insulting.

I laughed.

“I’m sorry, that was awkward,” I said, “Did I ruin the moment?”

“Yes, you sort of did,” he replied. Then he kissed me anyway. And I let him because I figured it would brighten the mood.

Truth was, even though he’s a comedy writer, he didn’t get the humor of the whole situation. Because let’s be honest, what could be more ridiculous than someone like me, at this moment in time, on a date with cheerful YTH as he makes an innocuous and clueless move on me outside the dive bar where I’ve just kicked his ass at pool.

We parted ways. He called out that we should swap screenplays and I agreed. He took off in his car, and I got into mine.

And for the first time in 2 and a half years, I couldn’t have been happier to get home and crawl under my big, beautiful down comforter. And have it all to myself.

With love,
27swf