(This post is part of an awesome series of awesome 25swf guest bloggers- read about them here!)
Oh, these are interesting times. It is all, oh so relative! So, first, I’ve been doing some research for a new script I’m writing. During my research I found a youtube diary of sorts, which follows this young person who is in transition. Female to male. I cannot tell a lie. As a man, dude is freaking, super cute!!! I mean, if I didn’t know and had he walked into a bookstore where I was hanging out, I’d be like, “how you doin’?” Seriously, too cute. I was telling a friend of mine about this little revelation. He then asked a very good question, “would that be a deal breaker?” Uh… hmmm… yeah, I’d wager it would be. I cannot tell a lie. I was a bit confused.
Now, today (which is actually yesterday, but by the time this posts who knows how far removed from yesterday we will be – it’s immaterial really, but relative all the same – I digress…) on the FB an old college “Chum” of mine strikes up a chat. Now, I’ve not heard from or seen Chum in like 5 to 6 years. Why haven’t I seen or heard from him you may be wondering? Well, it could have something to do with how he kept coming on to me the last time I saw him. I really just was not interested and told him so. Adult me, straightforward and to the point! We were working on editing a project. It was my first big contract project with Will Rogers Airport. I was all about NOT fucking that up and wasn’t in the mood to dick around. Unfortunately, “NO” didn’t register as a word in Chum’s brain or something, because he couldn’t seem to keep his hands to himself. So, our last editing session ended with me leaving prematurely amid a few choice words – I’ll spare you. Chum texted me immediately after I left. Apologized. Said he cared for me deeply. It’s been building… what?!?! I was totally unaware of this and did not appreciate the unwanted hands on my person. So, that was the end of Chum’s existence in my physical world. BUT I guess it seemed okay to be FB buddies especially now that he lives in an entirely different state, right?
Okay, so back on the FB he apologizes once again for his behavior via chat. There has been so much time that has passed. To hold a grudge, that’s not how I roll. So, I’m like it’s cool, man. Thanks for the apology. I appreciate it. Then he apologizes for something for which I was not aware of… our exchange:
Chum: “I wanted to know; you know I am transgender? just want you to know I was never out to deceive anyone, but several Professors told me not to come out”
Me: “you’re male to female…”
Chum: “MTF. yes.”
Me: “you identified to me as male… it doesn’t weird me out or anything… that you’re transgendered…”
Chum: “no, I came on to you… there is a difference. I thought you were hot, sorry I know that was awkward and I can see how I was a guy, doing guy things… but even then I was thinking like a girl”
Okay, so I’ll spare you the rest of the details, because it kind of goes down hill from there. I basically told him that I was happy he could finally feel free to be himself. I really was happy for him. To be able to be free and be who he is – it’s a commodity that some don’t have. I guess I’m just too darn nice, because before I knew it, he was calling me sweetie and talks about kisses to my brow entered the stream. Don’t ask. I begin to get THAT “vibe” from him. So, I bid him adieu – chat over. Now that I’ve had time to process it and read back over the exchange, I really wish he would have been able to explain this, because I totally didn’t get what he meant by, “I was a guy, doing guy things… but even then I was thinking like a girl”. I asked, but he said it was hard to explain. Hmmm…
I cannot tell a lie. I am confused…