Life Altering

It’s been about three years since I started this blog. A project I embarked upon to dissect how a three-year relationship could go up in smoke and die, I had no idea that what I was doing would be life altering.

Lately I’ve been on a serious binge of reading. I have just been gobbling up any and all material related to writing, writing for the web, and content. I believe I’ve found a new calling. Writing for the World Wide Web. Mostly because I enjoy alliteration more than most normal people.

During my latest web reading and link clicking (one said click seriously leads to 10 or more finds) I found a treasure of a blog post. This guy.

The author takes us through his own journey to find the creative energy to write well in the face of the information overload.

As I sat here reading this post I excitedly right clicked “open-link-in-new-tab” more than a few times. One of the links sent me off into a Psychology Today article that talks about how to have more insight. As I read on, I made a connection to my own search for answers. AKA insight. This very blog is my own public way of searching for insight. Up until now I’ve just thought of it as something I liked to do. But nawwww. There is SCIENCE to back this mofo up. I LOVE IT.

“Having more insights is fun and engaging. It gives your brain a great lift of dopamine from the novel connections. It helps energize you to get things done, and helps people unlock some of life’s toughest puzzles. The trouble is, we have to get used to letting our non-conscious brains do the work. Relax, let go, and you might find a whole world of new insights emerging.”

My other open-link-in-new-tab discovery led me to a New York Times article about our brains much needed access to downtime. I kind of already knew this though. I mean, you can physically feel it when your brain has had too much. Your eyes start going crossed; your body feels heavy. But the part I never thought about was this, “when people keep their brains busy with digital input, they are forfeiting downtime that could allow them to better learn and remember information, or come up with new ideas.”

OK, so what SCIENCE (love it) is telling us is that in order to be better, faster, stronger we have to give ourselves a break. And by “break” we’re not talking about absorbing yourself in the latest and greatest episode of Bones. We are talking about a break from media, information bombardment, things-with-screens.

So translating this to life in general. I have also figured out that when I feel annoyed or angry about something (or someone) sometimes I need to stop thinking about it. Put it out of my head. Because it has proven to be the case that the next day, when I’m daydreaming or chatting with a friend, I put the pieces together. They float together like they always made sense, but it was me that was missing the point. And then, like a mini-ephiphany, it all seems so clear. Thanks science.

bette davis

One of my favoirte dames, Bette Davis, "Without wonder and insight, acting is just a trade. With it, it becomes creation."

Yours loving insight into insight (and science),

25swf

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UH OH. My icy heart is melting!

There’s a boy.

A guy.

A man.

A dude.

Who is sweeping me off my single feet.

I’ve known him all of a month. And yes, while that’s short period of time I’ve learned my lesson already, so don’t freak.

But this person. Ugh. I don’t know where to start. Who are you? Where did you come from? Why are you so freaking amazing? All of these kinds of things are running through my head.

I mentioned him in my last post, he would be genuine green(ish) eyes. But we’ll call him Mr. Mister. More than a gentleman, Mr. M emits gentle. And manliness. He constantly checks on me. How I am doing. Am I hungry. Am I cold. And more than likely, I am. He catches my thoughts before I have time to really even think them.

Are you gagging yet? Oh, there’s more. Get out the paper bags.

So, how did we meet? I’m working on a film that needs some motion graphics work and the director recommended him. She’s known him for a long time and I looked him up on Vimeo and added him as a contact. He Facebooked me and asked why weren’t already friends (because we have like 30 people in common). I said, I don’t know. There was some semi-flirtacious banter. Then the discovery that we live literally a block away from each other. Dinner was arranged. And we met for the first time a month ago when he walked up to my front door and said, “Hi!”

Did you get your paper bag yet? You’ll need them for this next part.

These things make me happier than anything. I can’t describe the feeling I get when I get a text from him and it has something like this in it:

good morning from Mr. M

Or this…

movie night

And my response…

howsaboutAnd then I melt…

yes!And we play…

sticky note

happy day to you drawing

And he is melting my icy heart.

So what about the Vow? Less than 2 months out I could say fuck it. But guess what? I’m not gonna. I can’t.

May 20 will be here in no time and I still feel like I need my beefy vow bouncer to keep me safe from heartbreak. However, it is increasingly difficult to be around Mr. M and not want to touch him. It’s kind of like a slow torture, and I’m doing it to myself.

I told him about the Vow (and the reasons behind it) a couple of weekends ago. Not only did he respect me for my Vow efforts, he shared his story of how after a long relationship of his ended back in 2007 he decided to be single for a year, “I needed to get my shit together.” And he started writing a book celebrating singledom, that he bound himself and worked on throughout the year, drawing creatures that had one liners, writing stories about crushes, changing the names and then having his friends read them (sound familiar?). He called this book Epic. And all things inside were to be just that, epic. He let me read it. I didn’t read the stories, just because it felt too personal too soon, but he said I could anytime.

And maybe you could tell from the awesome renderings and the Epic book, but he’s creative. Super duper creative. What he does for a living is creative–all of his goals are creative. He makes every moment being with him feel creative. We have about 8 things we’ve already decided we must do together, including Fatty Sundays where we sit around and watch things (like X-Files) and draw or work on stuff, and just be happy in the same room.

So I’m going to treat my Vow and this Mr. M in my life like an ice cube kinda situation. An ice cube doesn’t turn into water instantly, right? Exactly. I’m going to melt my way out of this Vow. Slowly, but surely, small things will fall away. I’m so excited for it to be warmer in here.

Yours feeling the heat,

25swf

po-eht-tray.

I have always been the kind of person who needs to write things out. Even a simple “to-do” list feels better coming out on a solid piece of paper and into my pocket.

I started writing poetry when I was about 10, or so. I can’t remember what inspired me to start doing so, it felt natural. I wish I had a better reason than that, but I just always found that writing poetry made sense. The kind of sense that isn’t really about “sense” at all. I do remember when I was about 13-ish I picked up “A Night Without Armour” –Jewel’s book of poetry. I was deeply affected by what I read, and at that moment, standing in the “poetry” isle of Novel Idea on 71st and Memorial in Tulsa, Oklahoma I fell in love with the idea of publishing my own book of poetry one day.

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