Guest Blogger – 1foot: Okay. I’ll Be Honest.

(This post is part of an awesome series of awesome 25swf guest bloggers- read about them here!)

In an attempt to get in touch with how I truly feel about things right now so that I can decide what to do later, I would like to try honesty and NOT over-editing this post.

I miss ___. I do. I didn’t think I would still miss him this far on. It’s been 1 year, 2 months, and 26 days since we officially broke up, and 5 months and 20days since I asked him not to contact me anymore and quit talking to him. I still think that was a good choice, all things considered, and I’m not regretting that or missing our romantic relationship.

What I miss is having a friend, with whom I was completely and utterly honest, who knew more about me than a lot of people, and lived 15 minutes away. I have some friends like that now, but life and distance (distance is a big one) get in the way a lot of times. I’m not really one to bring up my problems unless we’re in close proximity (with each other or with my problems), or if you force me to tell you or ask point blank. I don’t know, maybe I’d rather everyone just understood what was going on in my head and offered to help whenever I needed it, magically guessing when I needed something. It’s hard when I want to reach out to someone and then think, nooooo… they’re probably enjoying their night, or their morning, or are busy with things, or happily going through their day with nary a thought of me in their head. UGH. That sounds so self-pitying. I don’t pity myself. I just don’t think that my problems matter much to other people. WHAAAAT. That’s dumb. I definitely have people to whom I know my problems matter. I know that. I just have a very, very difficult time reaching out, for some reason. I had a period after the relationship ended where I was better about talking about how I felt, about reaching out when I was sad, or when I missed him. Then after a few months I decided I was annoying everyone around me because they’d get (or I’d imagine they’d get) that distant look in their eye when I brought up his name. Continue reading

Guest Blogger – BibleBeltRebel: On this date in History

(This post is part of an awesome series of awesome 25swf guest bloggers- read about them here!)

Guess what we are fortunate enough to be alive for????? 11.11.11! Yep. A date. That consists of a repetitious number.

Ok, so maybe that doesn’t seem like such a big damn deal to you but I bet you know at least one person who’s making a big damn deal about it! Afterall it really is a rare occurrence…a once in a century occurrence. Which translates into one of two things in this “neck of the woods” …

1.) People start stocking up their apocalypse bunkers, and praying at stop lights.

OR

2.) They run to the altar, stop taking their birth control and start practicing procreation.

Regardless of which of these options you chose (or get suckered into by redneck brain wa[r]sh)  you can be sure that for the next oh, 100 freakin’ years…you’re going to be asked… “Where were you on 11.11.11?”

Which brings me to the point of this blog… Continue reading

A Year of Fears

I’ve been avoiding this topic, like the plague. Talking about my last relationship is like trying to find the “top” of a bouncy ball. It goes on forever and it doesn’t exist, that is to say my talking goes on forever and the thing never really existed.

This entire year has been about confronting my fears. Fear of ultimate commitment, fear of the unknown, fear of disappointment, and fear of the ex-fiancée.

Continue reading