Guest Blogger – 1foot: Single And Not Looking, or Save Your Pity, Relationshipped Friends!

(This post is part of an awesome series of awesome 25swf guest bloggers- read about them here!)

I got asked out on a date a while ago. I accepted and we made plans. Then I thought about it some more and cancelled the date.

WHAT??!! But, 1foot, you’re… you know… *stage whisper* SINGLE…

Yep. I am! And I didn’t like the guy who asked and knew I wouldn’t be interested in him no matter how many dinners we had and… the list goes on.

I wanted to write about why I’m happy that I’m single, but it’s hard to write such things without sounding sort of dippy or defensive. But, so it’s out there in the most direct way possible – I’m happy I’m single right now, and I’m not saying that in a dippy or defensive way. I obviously still want someone to love me at some point in that relationshippy way; I’m not denying that that is a happy and fulfilling way to exist sometimes.

BUT Continue reading

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The Dating Monster

I am not opposed to people meeting online. I mean, technically that’s how I got to know Mr. M. My friend told me about him and I looked up his work, friended him on Vimeo, and the rest is history. But real dating sites kind of scare me. Like a monster under my bed, I know there’s nothing to be scared of, but it’s because I don’t look under there and create my own scenarios of what lies beneath.  But it’s not really the site, it’s the idea of…dating. I’m not a good “dater.” It’s just a fact. I don’t know how to really “date” people…I get to know someone and then I either want to be with them or I don’t; a common affliction of a serial monogamist.

Mr. M is the first relationship in my life where we have taking things uber slow, but not dumb slow. I’ve known him since March, and usually by this time we’d be saying the big four letter word (you know, LOooooVE) to each other. But we’re holding off. We haven’t even talked about it. And I know why…because we feel the same way about it. We want to wait for it.

All this to say/ramble on, I think dating sites are really great for a lot of people. I read this on Mashable.com today and it got me thinking about all of the ways you can meet someone. Who’s to say one way is better than the next? Have you ever dated someone you met online? Would you recommend it?

location-based dating Yours world wide web-wondering,

25swf

Guest Blogger – Y Chromosome: High and Dry

(This post is part of an awesome series of awesome 25swf guest bloggers- read about them here!)

I’m tired internet friends.  I am at a very weird point in my life.  You see, for the first time in probably my entire life I am focused almost solely on my career.  It’s sort of scary.  And for those of you who know me, (so like none of you yet?) you know that is a little different than my normal swim through life.

I’ve been in a relationship pretty much from the time I was 15 until I was 20.  Not the same one.  Three of them.  Very involved and intense ones.  I had a short 6 month break or so in there in an incredible attempt at “finding myself.”  As if that’s a 6 month journey.  “Like, no problem, dude!”  (have to think Spicoli on that one..)  I am single now.  SWM!  Wakka wakka?  I have a crush on this girl which is nice.  She’s pretty cool.

I guess the problem I am having is that while I am all for the occasional one night stand or casual FWB thing, I am most certainly more inclined to be in a relationship.  Wait.

Stop. Continue reading

MF, The Girl, and Buddha

I have found that the past year has been one of addressing. Not confrontation. But addressing. I have addressed a lot of issues within myself, and with others involving myself. When people been acting like a foo’, I’m not one to be messed with nowadays.

Addressing problems is what adults do. Wait, let’s not get all caught up here. Addressing problems is what adults are supposed to do. I may be young, but so far it’s very rare to find people over the age of 30 who do such a thing.

I have addressed people who didn’t respect me because I was young and had to give them direction (that’s a fun one). I have addressed a person who really hated me for no apparent reason. I have addressed someone I used to refer to as Mind Fuck or MF (you may remember him). I have addressed things in my current relationship that in the past I would have just buried. I have even addressed my mom. All of these people I have said, “Hey can we talk?” to, and then we did…and guess what happened? It was over.

It felt right for me to embark upon my most recent bought of addressing after things kept popping up, and a certain Buddhist class pushed me the rest of the way. The class was all about suffering. We meditated for an hour. Which, I am not use to, but found incredibly rewarding and invigorating. Being surrounded by Buddhas, a Buddhist monk, and a room full of people who are working towards the same thing was worth the 20 minute drive. After the meditation, we started class.

The Buddhist Monk talked about transforming relationships. If someone is ill towards you, you must work very hard to try and transform that relationship. Two people came to mind when she said this. They were burning into my head, and I wanted them out. The burning subsided after a cool, fresh epiphany washed over me. I had to talk to them. Ugh. I really didn’t want to. MF and this other person we will call The Girl were the last people on the Earth that I wanted to talk to.

I talked to Mister M about it. He said that if talking to them would make me feel better, then I should go for it. He’s so supportive. It’s so rare.

Come Monday I called them. Yup, just straight up called them. MF didn’t answer so I left a message…which looking back was probably pretty awkward sounding because I said let’s meet for tea (I’m on this no-caffeine kick, but still that’s a funny thing to say if you’re not British) and I said my full name when I called…yeah, WEIRDO). My next call worked out. The Girl did answer and we deciding on a time to meet that week. We met, and hashed it all out, and I think she no longer hates me. I think she realized I wasn’t out to get her. So that’s one down. Already a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

As for MF, he really effed (it felt better than saying ‘fucked’ because I’m not really that angry about…just annoyed. Effed is for those annoyed occasions. FYI) up my transformation efforts. On my journey to a Zen place he started texting me at 2am on a Saturday night/morning. There was a mixture of, “You’re so awesome…even though we didn’t work out I want you to be happy” and “I’m sorry you hated me. Like level 9 hated me. I just want the best for you.” Oh, and the last piece worth mentioning was how he tried to get me to call him by throwing out, “You should call me. I will tell you a secret, and if you don’t call you will never know.” No, I’m not joking. And no, I did not call him. I told him we should talk when he wasn’t drunk, but he insisted he hadn’t been drinking.

This was not a part of my plan. My plan was to meet up with him, tell him I forgive him and want him to be happy. And then, the end. Like a formal, “I forgive you, but go fuck yourself, thank you.” But I didn’t get that. He ruined it.

I decided, taking into account the advice from Mister M and another friend, that I would not be calling MF to meet up. He had (once again) blown it. Now I need to ask the Buddhist Monk what you do once someone blows up your transformation plans…some would say it’s time to just walk away. I’m thinking that’s good and fine, but what about the next time I get 2am texts? I think I will just hand my phone over to Mister M and he can take care of those…

Yours tranformer style,

25swf

Guest Blogger – 50ftManEatingWoman: Show Me How You Do It

(This post is part of an awesome series of awesome 25swf guest bloggers- read about them here!)

I’ve had the worst time trying to decide what I wanted to write about for this post. There are so many words to be said, so many topics to discuss, so many events to recall, so many questions to ask and answers to answer. But, out of all the options I have, the hardest part is knowing that he is going to read it. And then bring it up in conversation, face to face. He always does.

Yes, him, not our faithful savior, but him– my lover. My delicious dance partner, who I have been doing the tango with for nearly 7 months now. 7 months! Jesus H. Christ! (Harold is his middle name, you know.) What is going on here?

And that’s what it’s about. Whatever I say now, there it is. For the world. And for him. So that becomes a little difficult… I begin to feel that I should choose my words carefully. Here is my opportunity to lay it on the table, to reach out and receive the perspectives of my peers; the opinions of others; the attention of my object of affection.

Ok, what do you want to talk about then? What is it that you need to say that should be expressed in a not-quite-anonymous to some blog post, rather than real, physical, tangible conversation?

This has been SOME dance. And I thought Monopoly was an excruciatingly long game…. We’ve gone back and forth; loved each other well and been righteous dicks at other times. There have been others along the way, seemingly important break-off points through outside sex and possible love-connections. But somehow, SOME HOW, it always comes back to this… thing.

You know, I’m not stuck on foretelling the future or anything. I’m way cool with rolling with it. I gotta wonder though, why is that? Why are we always coming back to each other?

Admittedly, I was super not ready for a real intimate relationship with anyone for a while, several months ago, following that whole wedding-bomb thing. It’s almost been a year now. Two more weeks marks the anniversary of yet another life-changing event. I’m not going to say I’m over it, because that just isn’t true. And never will be true. It’s not like you can take all of the hurt and sadness and wrongdoings from your past and make them disappear. What you can do is turn them around. Learn from them. Let them help you become everything you need to be.

I forgot how to love once. And then he showed me how, oh do I remember. Remember tying on the night, and moving through the morning light; remember how it was and how he pulled me through.

I give up! I want it. Show me love.

I think it’s time I let you know,
the way I feel when you take hold,
One single touch from you, I’m gone,
still got the rush when I’m alone…

Would you believe he got onto me for NOT writing about him in my last post? That little shit!! Well. Here you go. YOU’RE WELCOME.

With music as my weapon,

50ftManEatingWoman