Technology and the power to exploit the creepers

This is the pretty much greatest thing ever…perhaps Creepy Bob will think twice before he acts all creepy again. Not only does this provide some entertainment value, it also is a really smart way to prevent stalking and have a records of Creepy Bob’s phone calls.

For the full story see Laughing Squid…and subscribe to it because it has all the best things anyways.

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New York, I <3 You!

One day I will be writing a letter and it will come to part where I write my return address. The letters will flow from my finger tips…Brooklyn, New York. Ahhhhhhh. Rolling in like ink thunder…Brooklyn, New York.

I’ve been dreaming of New York a lot lately. Mostly due to the fact that it’s become increasingly obvious that my current job situation is about as dead-end as they come. I am not challenging myself and I’m surely stunting my growth. But it’s great for me right now…but in a year, not so much. So my new goal. To move to New York in the fall of 2012.

Why do I love New York?

It’s scares the shit out of me and intrigues me. It makes me feel large and small at the same time. It doesn’t go to sleep.

To me, it’s the ultimate challenge to move away from everything comforting into a new place with new people and new dreams.

The whole two times I’ve sunk my teeth into the Big Apple I felt so at home there. Somehow I don’t get lost (which is a miracle in itself).

I feel like New York and I would get along really well. I daydream about my life there…I would fall in love with my work and the smelly, schizophrenic city.

New York is magical. Growing up I always thought of it as some kind of far away land where dreams happened. Hollywood and my mom contributed to my self-perpetuated delusions.

My mom would tell me stories of her days living there. She was a costumer and worked for CATS. Everyone told her not to move out there, that she wouldn’t find a job. She found a job in 2 weeks with the Shakespeare in the Park, which (apparently) is (or was) a big deal for theatre folk. From there, she got the job on CATS. She moved back to Oklahoma to take care of my grandmother who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, but she was doing really well before she had to leave.

I’ll probably be alone in New York although I’d greatly prefer to have someone to share it with.

What I really want is to wake up on a Sunday and go buy flowers for myself from the shop that sits below me… and then get an egg sandwich, and sit on my shitty balcony eating the deliriously delicious egg sandwich with my happy flowers, and a big glass of orange juice (freshly picked and squeezed, please).

And then I will sing this song along with Liza while I read the New Yorker…

bubble battle new york

see how much fun this looks!

I also want to go to the Bubble Battle…holy hell. And most the time, if not all, New York has something amazing going on. Sure, I realize I will be poor and practically homeless on a month-to-month basis, but it’s happening around me…it’s the energy. And who knows, maybe I won’t be as Pauperella as I suspect, maybe I will have a little money to go and do something every once n’while.

So what jobs could I possibly want in New York? I have a list so here we go:

  1. Focus Features (I’ll be the mail girl for christ’s sake…just gimme a jooob)
  2. HBO Productions (everyone has mail)
  3. Kickstarter (project manager, yessss)
  4. Vimeo (I’d rock anything that needs to be produced/organized)
  5. Etsy (apparently one of the funnest companies to work for…I can have fun)
  6. Women Make Movies (gimme something to manage, communicate, or organize and I’ll rock it)

All I ask, New York, is that I just don’t want to end up heartbroken like Barbara in Funny Girl. Such a great movie.

And these are just some of the reasons that I love New York.

I daydream about it. When the harsh Oklahoma winter winds slaps me in the face I (literally) think to myself, “Bring it…You’ve got nothin’ on New York baby.”

Is that weird?

Maybe a little.

Matt and Kim, take us out…

Yours with a Big Apple dream that will be ready for pickin’ come fall 2012,

25swf

Do something impossible

It’s really important to me to challenge myself.

Think of something you feel would be impossible for you to do. I’m not talking the kind of impossible that requires astrophysics or bringing back the dead all Necromacer style…but just something that you never in a million years think that you could do.

For me, that was running a marathon.

I truly believed I never could do it. Even during training, I was mindlessly running towards a big question mark. I was afraid I would fail, but I said…oh hey, what the heck, all my best stories come from failure anyways, so let’s do this. And I did it. And it hurt. And it was hilarious.

It rained from the beginning…the race start time was pushed back 30 minutes to 7:00am. But it didn’t matter, it was still raining. The rain went away for all of 10 minutes around mile 17, and then it came back with 40 degree winds and hail. Point being, it sucked. But I had Wolf Shorty there by my side to feel the pain and laugh with with me when pellets of ice came shooting from the sky. Between her hobbling hip and my cough & cold, we were already falling apart. And the rain, hail, 40 degrees was just a really good joke at a certain point.

I do have to say that it super helped to have Mr. M and 1foot weathering the weather, and holding up their hand-made signs that said, “You run good!” to move my ass along. But when I got back and peeled off my clothes with numb fingers I noticed something weird…my feet were blue. Blue. Not bluish…BLUE. Hypothermia was probably in my near future.

But my point is really that we should all do more things we find impossible. I think I’m going to make a list. Fuck bucket lists. That just sounds stupid, I’m sorry. I’m talking about a Master of Impossibilities List. It’s just a dramatic way of saying “crazy ass goals,” s’all really.

Now what should I put on my fancy sounding list…I’m thinking something like…

-Move to New York in Fall 2012 and Rock It. Be super successful (by my terms) in 2 years! So by the time I’m 29 I should be super duper proud of myself!

-Get a job at Kickstarter and rock it!

-Produce a movie that premieres at Sundance Film Festival and gets picked up by Focus Features. Yay! And then rock it.

-Go to Cannes Film Festival in 2012 as an American Pavilion mentor with my two lady friends, and (of course) rock it.

Yours always adding to the list and attempting to rock it,

25swf

Guest Blogger – 27swf: In Response to Granuaile: Let’s be friends?

(This post is part of an awesome series of awesome 25swf guest bloggers- read about them here!)

Let’s just be friends.

Most relationships end this way. But what do you do when that’s how it starts?

Lately, I’ve become very close friends with a guy named Doggy Style. We do everything together.  We eat (I’m his excuse for breaking his draconian diet).  We smoke hookah (we have joint custody of a beautiful Egyptian number). We sit by the beach, waiting for the tsunami to hit the coast (it never did — but that didn’t stop us from sitting there all day, drinking margaritas). We share our dreams for the future — many of which involve things we will do together. We talk about moving back to New York. We talk about renting a cabin in the woods. Oh, and didn’t you know? We’re writing the next great American screenplay — it’s a minimum five year commitment (he says).

We stay up talking all night, sometimes sleeping in the same bed, his leg just a little too close to mine (you know, ’cause our full size beds are just a tad too small for both of us). And just when I’m on the edge of sleep, I feel him holding me, wrapping his body around mine, as though he wants me to think I’m dreaming it, that it’s not actually happening. Maybe, it isn’t…

He proclaims that love is a death sentence; that he doesn’t want to be hurt by it again. That if we don’t have sex, we can be friends. He says friendship is forever, while relationships are doomed and destructive.

Little does he realize that we’re already in one.

So what do you do when you have a semi-platonic boyfriend? Do you break up with him? Do you stay in it, knowing it will probably never go anywhere? Do you tell him the truth, only to have him retreat out of obligation and dedication to a mantra he’s prescribed? Do you pull away, hoping he’ll fall in love?

Yesterday, he texted me three times and I responded briefly; a curt, short one liner. When he called me, I silenced his ring.

I don’t know what to do so I’m doing nothing.

A part of me says stay in it — he’s a comfort, he’s kind, he’s fun, I’m enjoying myself with him and therefore, why should I stop? The guy brings me candy, moves my car at 7AM so it won’t get towed, holds the door and sings my praises. I feel too young for marriage and so this relationship is perfect because it demands no real, emotional commitment.

The other part of me says RUN. Run away from a man who doesn’t know what he wants, a man who takes you for granted, a man who is selfish because he only gives what he wants to give. He will break your heart. You don’t need him. Or maybe you do?

Mostly I’m just angry at the bitch before me who broke his heart. I’m depressed by the fact that for the first time, in a long time, I’m in a relationship where we don’t play games, where our connection is sober and fun and real. I found a great boyfriend who can’t and won’t be my boyfriend. And that just sucks.

Maybe Granuaile and Doggy Style are onto something — that love is fleeting, that we convince ourselves that it is something more than it is. Maybe we should be seeking something deeper…or shallower, as the case may be. What do you all think?

Yours,

27swf

Curiosity killed the…

Today has been lovely a day. Everything about the day matched up…fitting so perfectly with the next part. I was working hard and I felt like the smoothness of it all was my reward.

Until…

This is what came up when I googled "Curiosity Killed the Cat"...I thought it was appropriate 😉

I got that feeling. Ya know that feeling that creeps up on you when you are feeling fine and dandy? The creeping feeling to creep on Facebook where you shouldn’t be creeping. On who? Ex boyfriends, of course my dear friends.

I wish there was a Facebook message (coherent of what you were doing) that said DANGER! when you tried to creep around. The mental DANGER! note wasn’t enough.

First I creeped on “Parker” who I’ve mentioned a couple of times, but I haven’t dived much into that relationship except for when I first started this blog (click here to read a bit about Parker). I saw that someone (a lady) had tagged him in a status where she thanked him for some red roses. I thought, well…maybe he’s dating this chica. So I clicked on her name, and saw that they were in a relationship. I wasn’t sad or anything. I was actually really happy for him. I mean, I’m not going to lie, I felt a little sad that our friendship is going to change. I won’t contact him anymore, mainly because I don’t want to cause any trouble between them, but other than that…I felt pretty good about his recent change from 25, single, white, male.

But I didn’t stop creeping there…of course I had to go to my most recent fellow. The “Mind Fuck” (who I thought about giving a false name, but nothing is as descriptive as Mind Fuck…we’ll shorten it to MF for efforts sake). I de-friended MF on Facebook quite a while ago, back in September, so I can’t see his whole profile. I thought this was best for everyone, because let’s be honest…it’s painful seeing that stuff. But I can still creep. I see limited information, but I noticed he had been tagged in a picture with a girl. So, the curiosity creeped…and I clicked.

The caption read “NY for NYE!!!” and I thought… “huh???” Like, THIS New Years Eve? Surely not. I thought maybe this was from high school or something?

Nope.

Curiosity creeped even more, and I clicked. Some girl. I don’t even recall her name. In a relationship with MF. Anniversary January 1, 2011.

This was my trip last New Years with MF.

And then when I tried be friends with him again a few of months ago (October). I told him I wanted to go to New York again for New Years, and I wanted to go with him.

I quickly decided a couple of weeks after trying to be “friends” that that was the worse idea EVER. Obviously, New York wasn’t going to happen.

Frankly I am terrified for this new girl. Does she know? I want to yell at the top of my lungs, “DON’T DO IT!” but that just can’t happen.

I have to own up to my feelings. Seeing that he’s in a relationship made me really sad. Maybe sad because well, that was fucking fast. Maybe sad because, that girl is fucked. Maybe sad because, it’s just sad…he is sad.

First thing I did after I read all this bullshit was I told my mom. Her response was the worse thing ever.

“You’ve been replaced.”

“Mom, why would you ever say something like that?”

Everything she said afterwards I didn’t hear. I just got up (I’m visiting home), picked up my keys and wallet and said I needed to take a drive. She felt awful and started crying. I still needed a drive.

So I drove around for half an hour. I got lost. I cried a little bit. I listened to some J-Lo Pandora and I felt better.

All of this curiosity clicking has really put me in a funky mood. And I was having such a glorious day. But I ended that for myself. ME. I did that.

I really need your advice. How do you resist the urge to click?

Yours curiously,

25swf