Guest Blogger – firstand25: You only tell this story once. right??

(This post is part of an awesome series of awesome 25swf guest bloggers- read about them here!)

Hey y’all friends!  Firstand25 comin atcha! Let me begin with how I came up with the name… firstand25.

1) I’m from Oklahoma, went to the University of Oklahoma, and as every sooner in the state of Oklahoma KNOWS, we love football…even if you hate football.

So, I was watching football, and BOOM, inspiration.

2) I just turned 25.

3) Last year was a year of MANY firsts for me. many many many.

Now we add them all together.

Let me explain.   Continue reading

Advertisements

I’m very close

I’m very close to buying my mom an eHarmony subscription, account, dealio. The woman has been single for…25 years. I am 25 years old. You do the math. (I only give you easy problems) I can’t even imagine my mom with another man. It weirds me out a little. But I want it for her. I want her to be happy (happier). Let me explain.

For years the reason for her singledom has been that she’s happy with her life and she doesn’t need anyone. She has said that sometimes she gets lonely, but not enough to put up with another person.

My mom has been married twice. She was not married when she got pregnant with me, at the age of 35. My dad was not too kind when that happened. I believe the words he told her, before he drove off were, “You need to think about how you got yourself in this situation.” He wanted her to have an abortion. She didn’t want to. 9 months later, Baby Girl (insert last name here) was born. I didn’t have a name when I went home from the hospital. I digress…

e harmonyMy mom needs a buddy. A pal. A man. A guy friend. A date. A wang.

She’s “happy” alone…but here’s the deal. She’s afraid to admit that she’s lonely. It makes her more lonely. But I can tell. I know this woman…and she is lonely.

She’s elluded to be curious about dating sites. She’s never took the leap before. Mainly because of money. Online love is expensive! $59.95 for one month on eharmony. I KNOW! Dannnng.

So I’m ______ this close to doing it. Her birthday is right around the corner. She will be 61. It’s about time she found an old fart to fart around with.

Yours hopeful for interwebz luv for my mama,

25swf

update: I bought the subscription and at first she was upset that I “wasted” my money…but knowing my mom, I let it sink in and she’s already talking about losing weight and getting ready to start going on dates and getting some free dinners. It’s a step, I’d say!

Settling Down

A friend posted this on my wall the other day…

Little did she know “settling down” has been on my mind A LOT lately. Partially due to the fact that my best friend is getting married and we’ve been dress shopping a few times in the past month. Mostly due to the fact that (whether I like it or not) ever since I was a wee-one, I imagined getting married and doing all those things married people do. Which is odd because I had no central man figure in my life growing up (which I have a post about coming up) and my mom never dated. Like never. Marriage wasn’t something I was actually exposed to as a child…it was still something I romanticized.

And let’s be real. Damn Pinterest is making me feel a little antsy about settling down. All those amazing wedding ideas just flashing themselves at me. OF COURSE I have to pin them…in a board I call “Futures.”

But at the end of the day, I know I’m not even ready for that. I have plans to move in the next year. I have a lot more to worry about, and it doesn’t involve lace sleeves and trumpet shapes. I still daydream. And I wonder when I know when I’m ready? I guess I’ll know when I’m asked. And for some reason this video made me feel better about it all. Like I’m not the only one…with fears of suburbia (see my Revolutionary Road post) and the urge to settle down.

Yours feeling less alone thanks to Kimbra,

25swf

Happy Spot #1: a soft spot

Contemplating my statement from a recent post, that I’m not inspired to write unless stuff is going wrong or I’m sad, made me come up with a new idea.

I’m going to start posting the things that make me the happiest as they come up in my relationship with Mr. M. You may agree, disagree, find them petty, find them boring, find them sappy…who the hell knows, you may even get an idea of how to show your loved one some affection. But this is my effort to start recognizing the beauty in relationshiping and finding out what truly makes the other person happy. I will call this series of posts “Happy Spots.” It’s a spot, a moment, an action that comes in and hopefully outweighs any of the stains (or bad schtuff) that may occur. Because, let’s be honest, relationships need constant love and attention. It’s the small stuff that can really keep things beautiful. Never forget the small stuff.

My first happy moment is a bit silly. Yet, that doesn’t mean it is any less of happy spot for me.

bed

This is not my bed, but omg if it was...this is going on my list. You know, the list where you put the things you dream of having. Yup, it's on there.

Happy Spot #1 is when Mr. M makes my bed. He knew from the beginning that a made bed makes me super happy. He always does it. Without me asking, without me thinking about it, he’s already got it. A made bed makes me smile, it makes me start off my day right. It is waiting for me to come home and fall into. It is physical happy spot in my life… I’m really not that complicated, as you will see. Making me happy usually involves food, making out (and other unmentionables*), and cleanliness.

*obviously I mention all sorts of stuff on here, but saying unmentionables is way too fun. Unmentionables.

Yours having too much fun thinking of happy spots,

25swf

Talk the Talk

talkI am guilty of this too, but I’m so much better than I used to be. Talking about it. Whatever IT is, just saying, “Hey this bothers me.”

People never do it. NEVER. But we tell kids to do it, and even have peer mediators (I was one) that help start conversations about why people aren’t getting along or fighting on the playground. But adults…well, we are the worse about it. Talking about how we feel. How someone else is making us feel.

I find that every time I talk about how something is making me feel, it is resolved and I feel better. Especially with Mr. M he just listens to how I feel and validates me. So, profound!

I used to be (and still sometimes slip into) the kind of person who wants the other person to recognize something is wrong and then ask me about it. This led to, pouting…passive aggressive conversations…and just overall dragging out the problem. I felt like I couldn’t just bring it up out of the blue. I’m not really sure why, but I think I was just afraid. If the other person brought it up first, that was the green light for me to talk about it. I’m the complete opposite now. I’ve worked hard to get here, and I’m not perfect, but I see that it works and fosters healthy relationships so I keep doing it.

Why is it so rare for us to share how we feel? If we just made a point to talk about things more I think we would all be a lot happier. Don’t accuse, badger, be passive aggressive, or play games…just say, “Hey can we talk? It hurt my feelings that you…” It’s amazing. And it’s just not for those in relationships…we all have parents, we all have friends, we all have co-workers (if not, dang, go get a job yo). All of these are relationships that can stress us out, hurt us, make us feel negative things sometimes. And they all have potential for being talked through.

I’m only 25 and I think I’ve figured it out. Old fashioned talking and listening always does the trick. Why do adults forget that?

Yours talking (as usual),

25swf