Texts From My Dad

Throughout this blog’s history, I haven’t always talked about texts in the most positive light. Let’s just say I (in the past) have called them annoying, invasive, and let’s just say (overall) mood ruiners (gossipboi knows what I’m talkin’ ’bout…). They can be real bitches.

This is a post about some texts that didn’t do any of that.

My relationship with my dad is one I don’t even quite understand. I’ve accepted that over the years. And I know he loves me, but sometimes I forget. Our interactions are so few and far between that it’s easy to forget I even have a dad. I’ve mentioned him a handful of times on this here blawg.

That is, until Valentine’s Day and he sends me a floral bouquet of tulip love to my work. Upon receiving the floral love, I texted a “thank you” to my step-mom, half-bro. FYI, I have NEVER texted my dad before, but it felt right.

He texted back, and the conversation that ensued MADE MY DAY (it actually did more than that). We didn’t chat about much, just made stupid jokes. But it was fun! Later that afternoon he called me and we caught up a little bit. I asked if he can get pictures on his phone, and he can. Now my plan is to send him a picture a week! Something random, that is kind of like a slice of my life, because he really has no idea what it’s like. And vice versa.

It’s amazing what technologies can do. Like make you feel loved. Really, really loved. Thanks texts!

Yours texting her dad (ps. wordpress says texting is not a word…however, it also says wordpress is not a word. wtf)

 

 

Your texting and wordpressing,

25swf

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Fortune Cookies know what’s up

I’ve have always loved fortune cookies. Trivial and meaningless? Sure. That hasn’t stopped me from eating them. Or keeping them. Today I got one with my awesome egg roll vermicelli take-out.

On my awesome I love you, you Valentine’s Day I was hit like a ton of bricks by a Facebook message from my nice ex-boyfriend, Parker. I haven’t really written much about Parker, but really all you need to know (for now) is that we dated for 3 and 1/2 years, before I met MF. I broke up with him in 2009 for mainly for one reason- he wasn’t committed to building a future together. And I couldn’t change that, or him.

So this hit-you-in-your-gut message read that he no longer could be my friend, out of respect for his current relationship and moving on with his life.

And I respect that.

But I was pissed. On Valentine’s Day…really? In a Facebook message…really? It was cold, emotionless, and completely out of nowhere. A week ago we chatted about some filmmaking stuff and I mentioned that I didn’t want to call him after that because I didn’t want to cause any problems in his new relationship. He assured me that it was OK. That his new gf was cool and didn’t care. I thought that was weird. Because I would care if I was her. But I thought, OK, well that’s been addressed. We never talked much anyways.

And then that message. What a shitty way to go about something. Really though.

But like the fortune cookie says, anger begins with folly, and ends with regret. I’m glad I didn’t say anything that came from a knee-jerk reaction. I thought about it for a couple of hours and wrote my response:

“I completely respect your decision, because I’ve had to make it before. But why would you send this to me in a message on Facebook, on Valentine’s Day? Out of respect for our friendship? You don’t have to respond. It just hurts my feelings. I wish you the very best, Parker!”

I don’t regret that. The message he sent me was more about him than me, anyways.

I think we should all take a little time to say things we aren’t going to regret (I’m ALWAYS working on that).

Yours non-regretfully (this time),

25swf

I love you, you.

It’s Valentine’s Day! February 14th and the world (well, I guess just the U.S.) is full of a little more love (and anti-love). And as Project Runway Heidi Klum says, “You either are in or you are out.” This year, I’ve decided I’ll be in. Into Valentine’s Day as a singleton? That’s just crazy talk, you say! But this is a recent revelation…

Because lately I’ve been a bit of an angry lady.

Angry at MF, mainly. I want to forgive him, and move on. I keep trying. And trying. And trying again. And failing.

Even though I definitely don’t want to do date him or be with him (ever). I’m addicted to him. I just miss what I thought was, and when the moments were great. It was addictive when it was beautiful. Maybe because it was so rare. But when it happened, it was a beautiful relationship…it was intoxicating. And something out of a fairytale. Even if I was the author of that fairytale, living in my own world and my own head. But I want him out…I want the addiction to be over. I don’t want him to be in my head anymore. I don’t want to be angry.

Today, and I really don’t know why in particular, I am feeling awfully forgiving. To the point where I can now say it. And believe it.

(Inhale)

I forgive you, MF.

Because forgiving gives me forgiveness. And when I exhale. It feels a little better. A little brighter. And hell, what’s with wasting all my energy being angry and sad. I’ll tell ya though, forgiving someone is A LOT easier said than done. I’ve been working on it for five months and I know I will have to keep on working on it.

And now, I feel full of love. Extreme, undying, unconditional love. For myself.

Muhammad Ali knows how great he is, I feel the same (but about me) "I'm not the greatest; I'm the double greatest. Not only do I knock 'em out, I pick the round.” -Muhammad Ali

This Valentine’s Day I’d like to say,

I LOVE YOU, you.

You really kick ass and make this world a better place. Keep fighting the good fight and never forget yourself. And most importantly, be yourself.

And be Awesome, with a capital A. And all the rest will come…

And to celebrate my Awesome with a capital A self, I’m spending this Valentine’s Day with 9 close friends. Lady Love Valentine’s Dinner will commence tonight with decorations, balloons, rose petals, vino and shrimp curry. I couldn’t feel more surrounded by my life and the way I want it to be. The way it should be. Feeling love both inside and out, as a single lady. Double greatness.

And that’s what forgiveness does, it allows you to see. See all the beauty right in front of your face. Now, go look in the mirror.

Forgiving-ly, mercifully, and lovingly yours on this Valentine’s Day,

25swf