The Dating Monster

I am not opposed to people meeting online. I mean, technically that’s how I got to know Mr. M. My friend told me about him and I looked up his work, friended him on Vimeo, and the rest is history. But real dating sites kind of scare me. Like a monster under my bed, I know there’s nothing to be scared of, but it’s because I don’t look under there and create my own scenarios of what lies beneath.  But it’s not really the site, it’s the idea of…dating. I’m not a good “dater.” It’s just a fact. I don’t know how to really “date” people…I get to know someone and then I either want to be with them or I don’t; a common affliction of a serial monogamist.

Mr. M is the first relationship in my life where we have taking things uber slow, but not dumb slow. I’ve known him since March, and usually by this time we’d be saying the big four letter word (you know, LOooooVE) to each other. But we’re holding off. We haven’t even talked about it. And I know why…because we feel the same way about it. We want to wait for it.

All this to say/ramble on, I think dating sites are really great for a lot of people. I read this on Mashable.com today and it got me thinking about all of the ways you can meet someone. Who’s to say one way is better than the next? Have you ever dated someone you met online? Would you recommend it?

location-based dating Yours world wide web-wondering,

25swf

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New York, I <3 You!

One day I will be writing a letter and it will come to part where I write my return address. The letters will flow from my finger tips…Brooklyn, New York. Ahhhhhhh. Rolling in like ink thunder…Brooklyn, New York.

I’ve been dreaming of New York a lot lately. Mostly due to the fact that it’s become increasingly obvious that my current job situation is about as dead-end as they come. I am not challenging myself and I’m surely stunting my growth. But it’s great for me right now…but in a year, not so much. So my new goal. To move to New York in the fall of 2012.

Why do I love New York?

It’s scares the shit out of me and intrigues me. It makes me feel large and small at the same time. It doesn’t go to sleep.

To me, it’s the ultimate challenge to move away from everything comforting into a new place with new people and new dreams.

The whole two times I’ve sunk my teeth into the Big Apple I felt so at home there. Somehow I don’t get lost (which is a miracle in itself).

I feel like New York and I would get along really well. I daydream about my life there…I would fall in love with my work and the smelly, schizophrenic city.

New York is magical. Growing up I always thought of it as some kind of far away land where dreams happened. Hollywood and my mom contributed to my self-perpetuated delusions.

My mom would tell me stories of her days living there. She was a costumer and worked for CATS. Everyone told her not to move out there, that she wouldn’t find a job. She found a job in 2 weeks with the Shakespeare in the Park, which (apparently) is (or was) a big deal for theatre folk. From there, she got the job on CATS. She moved back to Oklahoma to take care of my grandmother who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, but she was doing really well before she had to leave.

I’ll probably be alone in New York although I’d greatly prefer to have someone to share it with.

What I really want is to wake up on a Sunday and go buy flowers for myself from the shop that sits below me… and then get an egg sandwich, and sit on my shitty balcony eating the deliriously delicious egg sandwich with my happy flowers, and a big glass of orange juice (freshly picked and squeezed, please).

And then I will sing this song along with Liza while I read the New Yorker…

bubble battle new york

see how much fun this looks!

I also want to go to the Bubble Battle…holy hell. And most the time, if not all, New York has something amazing going on. Sure, I realize I will be poor and practically homeless on a month-to-month basis, but it’s happening around me…it’s the energy. And who knows, maybe I won’t be as Pauperella as I suspect, maybe I will have a little money to go and do something every once n’while.

So what jobs could I possibly want in New York? I have a list so here we go:

  1. Focus Features (I’ll be the mail girl for christ’s sake…just gimme a jooob)
  2. HBO Productions (everyone has mail)
  3. Kickstarter (project manager, yessss)
  4. Vimeo (I’d rock anything that needs to be produced/organized)
  5. Etsy (apparently one of the funnest companies to work for…I can have fun)
  6. Women Make Movies (gimme something to manage, communicate, or organize and I’ll rock it)

All I ask, New York, is that I just don’t want to end up heartbroken like Barbara in Funny Girl. Such a great movie.

And these are just some of the reasons that I love New York.

I daydream about it. When the harsh Oklahoma winter winds slaps me in the face I (literally) think to myself, “Bring it…You’ve got nothin’ on New York baby.”

Is that weird?

Maybe a little.

Matt and Kim, take us out…

Yours with a Big Apple dream that will be ready for pickin’ come fall 2012,

25swf

I’ve got this idea.

So I have this idea.

I want to interview people about relationships and make short videos of the interviews and put them on a 25swf vimeo and feature them on this blog. I want to talk to single people, married people, heartbroken people, in love people, gay people, straight people, confused people, angry people…the whole shabang so if you know someone (or if you want to be a part of this!) please leave a comment below and let me know. I would love a variety of ages too.

So if you have kids are that are young and are talking about “girlfriends” or “boyfriends” that would just be absolutely adorable. I just want to ask a handful of questions. The interview would probably 15-30 minutes.

So this is a call to all those out there who wanna talk about relationships. Why they rock. Why they suck. How to make them last. How to get out of a shitty one. The first time you ever fell in love. The first time you had sex. Whatever you want to talk about, I would love to hear about.

Yours with an idear,

25swf

UH OH. My icy heart is melting!

There’s a boy.

A guy.

A man.

A dude.

Who is sweeping me off my single feet.

I’ve known him all of a month. And yes, while that’s short period of time I’ve learned my lesson already, so don’t freak.

But this person. Ugh. I don’t know where to start. Who are you? Where did you come from? Why are you so freaking amazing? All of these kinds of things are running through my head.

I mentioned him in my last post, he would be genuine green(ish) eyes. But we’ll call him Mr. Mister. More than a gentleman, Mr. M emits gentle. And manliness. He constantly checks on me. How I am doing. Am I hungry. Am I cold. And more than likely, I am. He catches my thoughts before I have time to really even think them.

Are you gagging yet? Oh, there’s more. Get out the paper bags.

So, how did we meet? I’m working on a film that needs some motion graphics work and the director recommended him. She’s known him for a long time and I looked him up on Vimeo and added him as a contact. He Facebooked me and asked why weren’t already friends (because we have like 30 people in common). I said, I don’t know. There was some semi-flirtacious banter. Then the discovery that we live literally a block away from each other. Dinner was arranged. And we met for the first time a month ago when he walked up to my front door and said, “Hi!”

Did you get your paper bag yet? You’ll need them for this next part.

These things make me happier than anything. I can’t describe the feeling I get when I get a text from him and it has something like this in it:

good morning from Mr. M

Or this…

movie night

And my response…

howsaboutAnd then I melt…

yes!And we play…

sticky note

happy day to you drawing

And he is melting my icy heart.

So what about the Vow? Less than 2 months out I could say fuck it. But guess what? I’m not gonna. I can’t.

May 20 will be here in no time and I still feel like I need my beefy vow bouncer to keep me safe from heartbreak. However, it is increasingly difficult to be around Mr. M and not want to touch him. It’s kind of like a slow torture, and I’m doing it to myself.

I told him about the Vow (and the reasons behind it) a couple of weekends ago. Not only did he respect me for my Vow efforts, he shared his story of how after a long relationship of his ended back in 2007 he decided to be single for a year, “I needed to get my shit together.” And he started writing a book celebrating singledom, that he bound himself and worked on throughout the year, drawing creatures that had one liners, writing stories about crushes, changing the names and then having his friends read them (sound familiar?). He called this book Epic. And all things inside were to be just that, epic. He let me read it. I didn’t read the stories, just because it felt too personal too soon, but he said I could anytime.

And maybe you could tell from the awesome renderings and the Epic book, but he’s creative. Super duper creative. What he does for a living is creative–all of his goals are creative. He makes every moment being with him feel creative. We have about 8 things we’ve already decided we must do together, including Fatty Sundays where we sit around and watch things (like X-Files) and draw or work on stuff, and just be happy in the same room.

So I’m going to treat my Vow and this Mr. M in my life like an ice cube kinda situation. An ice cube doesn’t turn into water instantly, right? Exactly. I’m going to melt my way out of this Vow. Slowly, but surely, small things will fall away. I’m so excited for it to be warmer in here.

Yours feeling the heat,

25swf

Queen Elizabeth Knows Her Shit

I just got off the phone with a very wise friend of mine and she blew my mind (with the help of Queen Elizabeth I.)

I told her how recently I’ve gone through all my profiles and accounts (Facebook, Vimeo, Gmail, Grooveshark, and even the archaic Myspace- where we actually met…or, rather, he found me) and I’ve been deleting MF (aka Mind Fuck) from all of them. Even pictures of him. I have no need to keep these faux memories of “nice” times. Untagging this picture, and deleting that email. Unsubscribing from his company crap that I tried to support. Unsubscribing from related twitter feeds, and protecting my own ‘sweet tweets’ is incredibly mind clearing. (I just really wanted to say sweet tweets, they are not actually sweet). Like spring cleaning your house, you trash the stuff that doesn’t belong. And MF definitely does not belong.

But there’s this video…

When we trekked to Alaska this past summer I tagged along my video camera and cut together a little video of the trip. Interestingly enough I edited it after I broke up with him. I was trying to “get over it” and thought it would be helpful to remember and then let go. It didn’t really do the trick. Obviously, this is why we are (partially) here.

In the convo, I also brought up the idea that maybe I should take the video down, cut him out, and put it back up. I mean, I was doing it in my other profiles, and it felt great. But something felt kind of wrong about it. Not wrong in the sense of me caring about him. But just…wrong. At one point in the video I am excited about this “geyser,” which it’s not actually a geyser at all, and I get kind of giddy about it, trying to get him excited. He looks at it and then completely unemotionally looks forward. Welcome to the side of our relationship I tried to cut out of the video. I did a great job, actually. I remember when I was editing it I thought, cut away before you can really see that face. That’s all that relationship was to me and how it lasted 10 months…it was my REALLY kick ass editing job, not just with the video, but with the whole life thing. I will be taking Oscar nominations January 25, ahem.

I told her all of this…And then she said it…

“Do you remember Elizabeth, the first movie?”

I mean I’ve seen it…but it’s been awhile.

Queen Elizabeth I

Queen Elizabeth I! Actually this is Cate Blanchett, but you get the idea. Even in the 1500's women knew what was up. We probably all need to jot down some notes. There will be a test (many of them, actually).

“When she has to decide whether or not to kill Dudley she said ‘He shall be kept alive to always remind me of how close I came to danger.’

Holy hell.

I’m keeping it the way it is. The pictures will go. But the video will stay. To remind me of how close I came to danger. Because in all seriousness, I am incredibly lucky that I got myself out of that relationship.

Yours historically,

25swf