Times They are a Changin’

With the changing leaves and colder breeze, I recently had an idea.

I want more voices on this here blog.

If I had a sign it would say, “CALLING ALL SINGLETONS AND MORE!” Male, or female. Old, or young. Games of Thrones fan, or not. I’m looking for some new guest bloggers to hang out and talk about the nitty gritty relationship stuff. Whether you are single OR in a relationship, I want you!

Yeah, that’s right, I’m talking to you married folk, too.

Fill out this form and tell me a little bit about yourself and I’ll check ya out and see if you would fit. You could be a reocurring guest blogger, or a one-hit wonder. It’s up to you! I just know the world wants to hear your story, and this is a safe place to tell it.

This blog is about relationships, and it’s mission is to make people with broken hearts feel less lonely — women feel less insane about having emotions — and men feel less baffled by lady emotions. The goal is simple: let’s talk about the complexity of relationships and lurv. Clearly, there is a lot to talk about, and neverending stories to tell.

Life Altering

It’s been about three years since I started this blog. A project I embarked upon to dissect how a three-year relationship could go up in smoke and die, I had no idea that what I was doing would be life altering.

Lately I’ve been on a serious binge of reading. I have just been gobbling up any and all material related to writing, writing for the web, and content. I believe I’ve found a new calling. Writing for the World Wide Web. Mostly because I enjoy alliteration more than most normal people.

During my latest web reading and link clicking (one said click seriously leads to 10 or more finds) I found a treasure of a blog post. This guy.

The author takes us through his own journey to find the creative energy to write well in the face of the information overload.

As I sat here reading this post I excitedly right clicked “open-link-in-new-tab” more than a few times. One of the links sent me off into a Psychology Today article that talks about how to have more insight. As I read on, I made a connection to my own search for answers. AKA insight. This very blog is my own public way of searching for insight. Up until now I’ve just thought of it as something I liked to do. But nawwww. There is SCIENCE to back this mofo up. I LOVE IT.

“Having more insights is fun and engaging. It gives your brain a great lift of dopamine from the novel connections. It helps energize you to get things done, and helps people unlock some of life’s toughest puzzles. The trouble is, we have to get used to letting our non-conscious brains do the work. Relax, let go, and you might find a whole world of new insights emerging.”

My other open-link-in-new-tab discovery led me to a New York Times article about our brains much needed access to downtime. I kind of already knew this though. I mean, you can physically feel it when your brain has had too much. Your eyes start going crossed; your body feels heavy. But the part I never thought about was this, “when people keep their brains busy with digital input, they are forfeiting downtime that could allow them to better learn and remember information, or come up with new ideas.”

OK, so what SCIENCE (love it) is telling us is that in order to be better, faster, stronger we have to give ourselves a break. And by “break” we’re not talking about absorbing yourself in the latest and greatest episode of Bones. We are talking about a break from media, information bombardment, things-with-screens.

So translating this to life in general. I have also figured out that when I feel annoyed or angry about something (or someone) sometimes I need to stop thinking about it. Put it out of my head. Because it has proven to be the case that the next day, when I’m daydreaming or chatting with a friend, I put the pieces together. They float together like they always made sense, but it was me that was missing the point. And then, like a mini-ephiphany, it all seems so clear. Thanks science.

bette davis

One of my favoirte dames, Bette Davis, "Without wonder and insight, acting is just a trade. With it, it becomes creation."

Yours loving insight into insight (and science),


Guest Blogger – firstand25:Yo Peeps of 25swf!!

(This post is part of an awesome series of awesome 25swf guest bloggers- read about them here!)

When I was first approached to start blogging about my love, sex, and relationship life, I was scared. I don’t think I was scared of people reading about my personal experiences, or judging me, or anything like that, I think I was mostly scared to open myself up to let others in on what happens in my head every single day. I know if you don’t write openly and honestly, then you start to sound boring and rehearsed. Nobody is interested in listening to somebody give the half truth, they want all the raw, dirty details. I have no clear intention in my writing, just mainly thought it would be fun, but maybe the words I write will ring true to somebody reading them, maybe I’ll be able to bring comfort to someone struggling with the same things, or maybe I’ll provide a laugh, and who doesn’t like to laugh?

Anyway, I’m a freedom fighting, feministing, liberal, badass. So if I ever write something you disagree with, good! If you think I’m “totally right on”, great! Let’s fight, sisters!  Let’s fight for what we believe in, let’s fight for what’s right, let’s fight for the greater good, let’s fight for equality, let’s fight for all the little AND big girls out there, let’s fight to fight!!! Now…don’t get me wrong, I’m not a man hater, in fact, I love men, without them, we aren’t here. I’ve met some very caring, compassionate, and loving men in my life, and I LOVE that I know them. I’m a sucker for the nice guy(think Patrick Fugit in Almost Famous). It’s the fact of pinpointing that one best friend to spend the rest of your life with that’s the issue isn’t it?  But for now, let’s not think about this, let us cherish who we are, where we’ve been, the people we’ve met, and where we’re going…we’ll focus on the love and other stuff later on.

In any case, I have zero credentials for writing(except the fact that I’ve been SINGLE for a long time), I generally have terrible grammar, and I’m new to the writing online game, BUT,  I hope you enjoy what I have to say, and thanks for letting me ramble. I look forward to writing more.

– firstand25

The Teenage Drama folder

I have a folder in my Gmail called Teenage Drama. It stems from a series of events that took place back in February that I haven’t written about on here. Give it time though, I’ll get there. It will either be titled, “Grace Under Fire” or “She’s a nut” or “My Ex-boyfriend is a Pod Person.” Either way, I’ll get there.

I added a few more things to the Teenage Drama folder yesterday. And it felt good to send it there in my head, too.

refresh okc

MF contacted me yet again the other day. This time it was via Gmail chat, which happened a week ago too. But if you remember from that post, it wasn’t a big deal.

This one wasn’t either. But it was the spark that I needed to make a decision.

The decision to shoot off this email and feel REALLY great about it…(click on it for biggerness)

word? really?

This email now resides in the Teenage Drama folder.

I find it interesting how we compartmentalize our lives. It relieves stress for me to organize, clean, and find places for things to live (either in my head or on my desk). You may think that I’ve got too time on my hands taking screenshots of conversations and emails, painting out real names and then writing an entire post about it. Why keep the email? Why not just delete it. Putting it in the Teenage Drama folder feels like deleting it to me. It helps me realize that this shit is so meaningless and temporary, but I still need to acknowledge it. I tag it, code it, and file it away just in case Cold Case Files needs evidence to go with my missing persons report.

Writing about things that confuse or bother me helps me compartmentalize. It’s another way of processing it all. I took a class in my undergrad days called Storytelling and the entire premise was how storytelling is physically and mentally healing. Studies show that telling a story (not a list format of events, but a coherent story) is one of the most healing activities for the mind in regards to traumatic or depressing events.

I have neglected my storytelling side for far too long. I used to write poetry when I was younger, and in high school I was the editor of our newspaper. I wrote album and movie reviews for the Tulsa World and then at the University of Oklahoma I wrote for the student newspaper for awhile. I desperately missed it after I quit (I quit because I didn’t want to sell my soul…or at least, I wanted more money for it). So when I changed my major from journalism to film and video studies, I felt free. I could tell stories with words AND pictures. Perfect.

Just one problem…

I forgot about my writer self. For some reason I didn’t feel worthy of writing. I thought if I wasn’t writing for somebody then it wasn’t worth much. And I guess I still feel that way, which is why I’m talking to you. I feel the best when I am connecting with people, not just with a piece of paper in a book that sits on my shelf. Writing and then knowing someone, somewhere may read it and relate to my words gives me extreme happiness.

Because no one is alone. X-Men taught us that (the new one is meh).

So, after shooting off the above email I’m hoping that dear god THIS time it will get through to MF. I don’t want to engage in any behavior with him. He is toxic. He is manipulative. He is a narcissist. He is not someone I would be proud to call my friend. He is a mind fuck.




I have always been the kind of person who needs to write things out. Even a simple “to-do” list feels better coming out on a solid piece of paper and into my pocket.

I started writing poetry when I was about 10, or so. I can’t remember what inspired me to start doing so, it felt natural. I wish I had a better reason than that, but I just always found that writing poetry made sense. The kind of sense that isn’t really about “sense” at all. I do remember when I was about 13-ish I picked up “A Night Without Armour” –Jewel’s book of poetry. I was deeply affected by what I read, and at that moment, standing in the “poetry” isle of Novel Idea on 71st and Memorial in Tulsa, Oklahoma I fell in love with the idea of publishing my own book of poetry one day.

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