Kick It

I’ve been trying to shove it out of my head, or *kick it, as I call it. This feeling of lostness and depression keeps rearing it’s ugly head.

Due to life, my plans have changed. I am thankful. I am grateful. And then I just find myself feeling overwhelmed and I don’t know where to begin.

The house is a mess, I don’t want to clean it.

My resume needs a revamp, I don’t want to do it.

There are movies to be made, I don’t want to make them.

There are things to do. Lots of them.

I don’t want to do any of them.

This is my depression. Going on about three weeks now I have felt awful, and then better. Then awful again.

The only thing that keeps me sane nowadays is my relationship with Mr. M. His existence gives me hope.

For me, I know this is circumstantial depression. My mom, my friend’s dad, my uncle, Janet. Lots of sadness has been had in the past 6 months. I hate wallowing, and I can’t stand whiners. But life is really sad sometimes and it’s hard for me to accept that. I just want the lost feeling to go away.

I need a sign.

Yours trying to kick it,

25swf

*Kick it: the act of “kicking it” is a visualization I’ve done since I was a teenager. When my mind starts writhing and swirling down the rabbit hole of insecurity, worry, negativity, etc. I visually kick that thought out of my head. It flies high and far away from me. Thus, my opinion is that strong legs are helpful in life.